- Didn`t know my heart until recently. Used to ask people: This heart you speak of, what is it and where? Mine is just a muscle on the left, inside my chest. No one could answer me plainly, even if they used the word in nice phrases all along.
Then one day I met this man who`s voice made my skin alive, who`s hands felt like the ocean waves,- who made me quiet and entered my mind and made a moment into an eternity.
On my own everything changed,- the joy of life transformed my eyes, my skins sensations, my listening, my feet dancing as if I was a kid once more,- and the force of life became a river in spring.
And there it was, my heart.
-Laughing, jumping and running,- climbing trees, whistling merry songs,- took me by the hand and we went exploring, everything old seemed shining new. We roamed the woods, meadows and mountains,- every house felt too narrow,- as this joy almost grew out of my chest and walls made me feel like suffocating.
One day we stopped and studied my life, how it looked like from the eyes of a young and happy heart. The heart just stood close and held my hand. No smiling anymore. "I used to be frozen" it finally told me. "You didn`t know me." I knew it was right, and wondered how it`s possible to have lived all these years, all this lived life without realizing... There were little colours, little joy, lots of work, lots of accumulated materialism and "safety", few memories; only achievements leading to new challenges and achievements related to success defined...not by my heart.
The heart pulled my hand "Come on, this is no good. I want to have fun, shall we go and hunt for miracles?" Ok,- and off we went, in the now.
These were great times. Dreamtime. And that`s the magic of the heart. It teached me to dream, and dream big and free. The consciousness of being alive filled every cell in my body and being, I could even feel the blood running in my vains, pounding joy around. My sensitivity expanded,- as if my isolation had turned transparent. I could sense the heart in others and reading them,- tears and laughter changing like the weather.
I changed.
And then I realized that I could no longer keep on with my old life without failing my heart. This understanding also made me confused and split up.
So I told my heart that I can`t live of dreams. There is too much to loose.
The heart did not agree, and we argued about it.
"There`s no reasonable argument here!" I performed a logical reasoning fit for any courtroom, while the heart looked out the window with a resistant face-expression.
Finally it turned and watched me "Finished now? How does it make you feel? Happy and joyous?"
Ofcourse I didn`t! I had just done an excellent surgical operation on my lifeforce,- it was almost gone. The colours were gone, the continuing expectation of wonders was quiet as if had never been, and my bones felt heavy.
The heart mustered me closely. "If you come close with one of those sharp knifes of yours again, I will kill myself!!" ^^
Does hearts threaten with suicide??? Yes, this one did. And the shock-effect considerably...
I could feel the deadness inside, and feared it. Therè`s really no choice. I can`t go back living expectations and beliefs to reality thats not born out of my alive consciousness of the heart. So be it.
This heart of mine looked me hard in the eye and finished it all off: You know Santa... The point is NOT to teach children to reveal that he`s fake. `Cause he`s not. He`s as real as can be. No child want Santa revealed. - You silly woman...
And I grew a little wiser ;O)