How to Deeply Connect with Your Beloved
By Jafree Ozwald and Margot Zaher
"We have two choices: continue to blame the world for our stress or take responsibility for own reactions
and deliberately change our emotional climate." ~ Doc Childre and Howard Martin
Do you wish you felt more deeply connected to your beloved and all your loved ones? It's possible to manifest a greater sense of harmony, respect, and deep connection with others. One of the biggest secrets to creating this bond is the practice of finding out where you are withholding your love and not embracing this person exactly as they are. Often we don't see the disconnect and distance we are creating when we believe that something is "wrong" with another person. If they are upset, complaining, anger, judgmental, fearful or downright mean about things, we may have a tendency to put them into a cold prickly box in the distance instead of bringing them closer to our hearts.
Any negative experiences that you may have had with your partner is not all their fault or yours. It comes from a deep disconnect that is buried within both of you. When our mind creates the idea of separation, that this is "their" problem and not "ours", then we are not embracing the real circumstance and opportunity for growth that we have. Everyone has behavioral traits, patterns, judgments and flaws that are not 100% loving. When these behaviors arise and you push your partner away from you, you stop loving them and start blaming them. The golden key here is to know that when people are upset they are deeply in pain and hurting inside. They may need space temporarily, yet ultimately they want and need the warm cozy feeling of your heart next to theirs offering a loving gentle presence and patience.
“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” ~ Dr. Robert Anthony
The sacred secret to connecting with others is stepping into their shoes and imagining what it must feel like to live their life, in their body, with their beliefs and life circumstances they are facing. When we choose to accept instead of judge or blame our partner, we are giving ourselves permission to love and accept those part inside us that aren't so lovable. Whatever we give is ultimately what we receive. When you practice embracing what is, knowing that there is a Divine perfection inside your beloved innocent partner, the reasons to be so upset seem to fade away. The cause of your discomfort and your negative feelings is simply the fact that your ego is experiencing a perceived loss. It is afraid of losing the love that you have. Here is a three step process to help you shift out of blaming your beloved into embracing what is.
"Each of us at any time and space is doing the very best we can with what we have." ~ Louise Hays
1. Uncover Your Ego’s Perceived Loss: Each time you find yourself getting upset and wanting to blame your partner, look deep inside and ask yourself, “What is it that my ego perceives it has lost, and wants to try to get back by blaming?” There are hundreds of perceived losses that include loss of freedom, loss of security, loss of connection, loss of power, loss of respect, loss of peace, loss of love, etc… For instance, let’s imagine that your partner forgets your birthday, and does not buy you a gift. Your ego may then interpret this failure as “he doesn’t truly love me”, creating a sense of loss of love. When your mind creates this story, you may blame your partner for your feelings, causing even more distance in the relationship.
2. Get out your Story and into Truth: The creation of stories by the mind is what creates the illusion of fear and loss. Stories arise when the mind attaches a perceived meaning onto an experience. With this meaning comes a whole slew of thoughts, emotions, misunderstandings, expectations, etc… For instance, in the above illustration the meaning that was attached to the missed birthday was that your partner didn’t love you. A story going on in your head can be tricky to detect. The easiest way to detect a story is asking yourself, "Can I be 100% certain and bet my life on it that THIS is absolutely true." Perhaps 99 times out of 100 you'll see it's just a story with a strong emotion attached to it. When you move closer to the truth, there is simply the fact that something happened, it has no meaning attached to it, and that's all. No more and no less. The better you get at seeing the story and able to examine what happened in a more factual way, you can consciously stay away from the ego’s favorite game of living in judgment, blame, victim and story-telling.
3. Find the Perfection of What Is: Anytime you are faced with judgment, resistance, fear, betrayal or any challenge in a relationship, just start with asking your highest self this simple question. "How is this circumstance perfect for my highest growth and evolution?" This kind of enquiry will naturally allow you to uncover the perfection that is hidden beneath the mind. As you ask this question, your mind will begin to relax, open and see the perfection that was always there. The more you can see this perfection, the wider your heart opens, and the easier it’s for you to connect with your beloved on the deepest most intimate levels. You'll see how much your partner truly cares for you when the desire to blame them falls away. What is left when there is no one to blame is this deep loving connection where you are truly meeting each other and fully accepting all facets of one another. In this embrace and acceptance is found a profound unconditional love for your partner and for yourself.
When we can see the bigger picture of what is, we can accept anything and let go of everything. The perfection of each human being is often covered up behind the egoic muck and its tragic powerless conditioning patterns. When we can embrace those parts of ourselves that aren't "perfect" whole or complete, and accept them as being in the process towards perfection, we can relax and realize everything actually IS perfect as it is! Seeing this imperfect perfection is necessary to step out of the egoic way of thinking into a more soulful perception. We honestly cannot know that what’s occurring is NOT for the highest good of each soul's evolution. Some beings need to take 2 steps backwards to leap 3 steps forward. The mind can only see a tiny slice of reality and it just cannot understand how everything in the Universe constantly and naturally fits together like an enormous harmonious puzzle. The day we realize how insignificant our perception of reality can be, then we can step back and take in the bigger picture with our entire being. This is the only way we can experience how everything that happens is absolutely perfect in every way and open the door to a more enlightened experience of our relationships.
Shared with Love & Blessings,Rosalie xo