So I am in the "in between" space right now.
I will be moving to another state in the beginning of June, but right now I go back and forth between Georgia and my little beach house.
It is still being renovated.
I am following my heart into a new life.
It used to be,before my spontaneous awakening last August, that I was a very competitive tennis player.
Like, I tried to take people's head off with the ball, competitive.
But after awakening I no longer have the desire to compete.
I want to play for the sake of playing, but it makes no difference to me if I win or lose.
Until last night.
I have been the captain of a mixed team for a number of years.
Many times there has only been only one team that we play against.
The captain of that team is known for being rude and for cheating.
We have had run ins over the years on several occasions.
Last night I played her.
I had been feeling frustratted all day.
Energies were very weird for me.
Got frustrated with my partner several times.
He was very surprised at me.
He is not used to seeing me aggresive and rude.
It seems that at the beach I have no problem finding my inner peace.
The vibration there is so different.
Full of energy it seems.
But this place no longer resonates with me, and that fills me with sadness of what was.
So last night I played against her and as usual she started to make bad line calls.
She was also drinking.
I was trying to keep it together...
But then I hit a really good shot and watched it hit inside the line.
As did my partner.
It was a pivotal point.
She called it out.
And I lost it.
We ended up screaming at each other.
And I mean screaming.
I kept saying "but the ball was in!!!!' and she kept saying" but I am calling it out!!!"
I wanted to hit her.
We lost the match and I was engulfed in rage.
It consumed me.
I raged against the fact that she cheated and still won.
I raged at the unfairness of people like her making this world so unloving and unkind.
I called her a knuckle dragger.
It was like this hate coated me, stuck to me like tar.
I realized I am sick of people like her, and every one who is still asleep and make the world a miserable place for so many.
I kept telling myself to breathe and to find my center, but it was like I was dragged along this sea of hate and could only feel it.
I then started to belittle myself for the fact that I had "failed".
I felt like a crappy lightworker.
The feelings were so intense that I couldn't tell if they were mine or the collective.
I guess it is all one and the same and it doesn't matter.
I felt sick of being in this world.
This morning I still feel the remnants of it within myself.
Like the morning after a big party when you wake up and you have a bad taste in your mouth...
I know I need to forgive myself for my behavior.
I know that it is all part of everything that is going on.
I know I will be starting a new life soon and she will no longer come across my path.
And I have to admit I am glad she will be gone from my life.
I don't want people like her in my life anymore.
If someone rubs me the wrong way, I know that it means an opportunity to expand my Light.
But you know what?
She felt yucky.
Her energy was gross.
Full of anger and hate.
I choose to be within the Light,even though in that incident yesterday I was not a wayshower.
I was dragged down to her level.
I let her take me there.
And I was pissed off at myself for letting her.
For giving away myself.
I guess I am writing this today because if you find yourself in this situation and you do lose it...it's okay.
We are human.
We have feelings and emotions.
We are trying to let all the negativity go so we can raise the consciousness of our race.
It is okay if you have a disappointing situation in your day.
It's okay if you lose yourself in a situation.
I believe that somehow,someway, something good will come out of what happen yesterday.
I believe that all day I was at that vibration level and she came into my life for a reason yesterday.
To show me an issue within me.
The Law of Attraction really works.
I guess what happened yesterday is another sign that it is time for me to follow my heart to my new home.
This place no longer serves my highest good.
It is time for me to go.
To move forward.
To leave what no longer resonates within my heart behind.
To let it go.
I do not want this within my energy.
I let her and all those feeling go.
And So it is.
Have a beautiful day my Light Family.
In Light and Love.