Once upon a time in a far away land there lived a faery name Constance, and she was named Constance by her mother because she was constantly, constantly this, and constantly that, but never was she constantly her. She tried so hard to be her, but every time she was going to be her, she was just constantly this or constantly that.
Her mother would say, “Who are you constancely being today, sweet one?” She would say, “I am an Elven Faery Princess of Great Renown in the Land of Dipsy Ipsy!”
Her Mom would then exclaim (her mom was a very nice person), “And where is this land of Dipsy Ipsy!”
“Where is the land of Dispy Ipsy?’ Replied Constance, “Well of course it is a far away land, as all are far away lands in faery, oh mom aren’t you aware, it cannot ever be here, for then it would be a faery story, it would be just some other story, and faery stories are always somewhere far, far away!”
So Constance lived for that day in the land of Ipsy Dipsy, and she tell the story like this:
The land of Ipsy Dipsy was a far away land in the Kingdom of Oopsy Whoopsy, the many inhabits there were always standing on their head because the world was upside down, and so they had to stand on their heads to see things right side up, but then when they would stand on their heads, all the blood would rush to their brain, and they would feel oopsy toopsy, and then they would have to go back to standing not on their heads, but on their feet, and then everything was topsy turvy!
Being in a land of oopsy whoopsy with a lot of ipsy dipsy was very hard for a Princess, because when she would stand on her oopsy tipsy doopsy to get a bit of whipsy whoofly, then her skirt would fly up, and all the people would say, “Dipsy Ipsy!!!”
So this was Princess Constance’s main problem in the land of Dipsy ipsy, but one day she met the Grand Prince of the High Kingdom of Lotsy Loofy, and it was oh really dealy.
So really dealy was he, that all the kingdom had to stand twice as long on their heads just to see how tall and really dealy he was, even though he would come with a pronunciation of how great the Kingdom of Lotsy Loofy was, and tell all the tales of Lotsy Loofy in a way that made things seem oh Grandy Mandy, the people still had a hard time seeing him right side up, because his head was always wrongside down.
So the people decided that the would have to stand their head on their feet just to see him correctly, but then all they could see was his toes, and his head was completely gone, and then the people of Dipsy Ipsy wondered, “Does this prince have a head to stand on at all?”
He came in Royal Garbs of his nation, with a long sword, and purple/gold sash, and all the people were listening to the wise words he was saying about how the waterways needed to go this way so that it did not run back down to the farms below and drown out the crops, and all this mathematical computations related to the stars, and how there was going to be a grand event, but then they just lost their head and their heads started rolling down to the water.
One of the wisest of Dipsy Ipsy came and said, “Dear Sir, if you keep knocking off our heads, we won’t have a head to stand on!”
The great Prince said, “How dare you speak to one as I in a tone of such demure incantation, how could you ever be as rulely as I, in a land such as Dipsy Ipsy?”
And the Princess, having heard of this pompous prince who spoke from his feet, which was really an allegory for a location we will not mention here, decided that she would take up her head and speak to him upside down so he could finally see the Truth right side up!
She said to the Prince, “How can such a right side up man ever understand a land who is upside down, and if he refuses to stand on his head to see things upside down, how then can he see things right side up! Truly this is a Prince who has no idea of upside down things, and certainly not right side up things, but wants to understand the upside right side down things that he thinks he are upside right!”
The Prince, furious and turning red, replied to her, “Oh you Princess, who is it you speak to in this tone! For if I had a head to stand on, I might see things right side down, but I am not to stand on my head, cannot you not see it sits on my shoulder, and so being the only one here whose head is attached to his shoulders, I am the only one who sees how upside down this whole place is!”
The Princess, not concerned at all, said very politely, “Sir, if you had a head to stand on, you might be elevated enough to see that our world is not upside down, but right upside the down side of the right, right down on that hill over there, and if the water were to go upright, then the people would drown, and if we did as you said, the water would go the other way, because all things are Topsy Turvy here, so your explanation of thinking our water would go in the way you say is completely false, having not a head to stand on, you cannot see that all water here goes backwards, and so you are wrong in your explanation of our waterways, further more, having not a head to stand on, dear Sir, you cannot see that you stand before the Princesss of Dipsy Ipsy, and so have not a head to speak like a gentleman! All uproarious!! You are!”
The Prince, completely beside himself, having lost his head from all the talk of Dipsy Ipsy, upsy downy, lefty righty, and lofty ofty, his head came completely off his shoulders, and fell to the ground, which he then stood on, and said, “This is the sacred land of Dipsy Ipsy! I have been searching for you all my Life! Where have you been?”
The Princess replied, “Ah Sir, now you have a head to stand on, and so you see, that we have been here all along, but with all your head sitting on your shoulders, you carried too much weight to be in the land of upsy downies!! Now go, and play with the brownies!”
“And that is the story of how The Elven Princess Constance found her beloved Prince, Mom!”
“And what story will you have for me tomorrow Constance?” said Mom, “I can hardly wait!”
Constance replied, “I don’t know Mom, I haven’t stood on my head long enough.”
Copyright @ Lesley’s Grand Adventures With the Faeries, Book 1 (tentative title)