This has been an interesting week for me. Not bad, I would say. Just interesting. At some points, I had to face some very deep things in myself, that I did not wish to face. Some of the experiences very hard to describe in words.
I should start out by saying that I have found a truly tremendously uplifting path in Ifa, and I have only started learning about it, http://www.ifafoundation.org/ifa-college, the two people who run this website, are pretty darn incredible. I have spent years reading books, and studying various philosophies, and in a few moments of reading the material on this website, I was like, whoa, that's it. The guy who runs the site is incredibly logical and down to earth, he takes really difficult topics, and instead of obscuring them, explains reasonably why they do the things they do.
One of the basic principles he addresses is that spirituality should make sense, it should be reasonable, and should be established. If there is a question that is raised, people should be able to as it, and get reasonable answers from their query, not simply, "This is the way we have always done it, so that's how we are going to do it."
I have found a whole positive system with the Orisha's, based off of a natural, yet very well established system of understanding the way we work with the earth.
We worked with Ogun this week, and part of the ebbo this week was to create a tranquil sanctuary, as our "perceptions" of who we are were changing, we needed to enter that space of calm, to relax in the hurricane.
Earlier this week I made an ebbo to my Orisha, Oshun, to bring more prosperity, and abundance to my Heart. I have had incredible experiences this week, but I will give you something she said to me this week I thought was very profound, "You can have my necklace, or you can have your fears, you choose, how about you keep the necklace, and toss the fears right out of the window!"
I laughed, with a smile on my face, and said, "Ha, you got it, I will toss those fears RIGHT out the window!"
So that has been the main theme of this week, fearlessness, yet today I worked very closely with Ellegua, though all the Orisha's work together as a cohesive whole, some energy come forward more than others.
Ellegua taught me two things today, 1. He taught me that this path demands completely honesty, not only with others, but with yourself. There can be no deceit on this path, and the only person you are fooling is yourself. 2. He taught me that before you take any action in life, you best be darn sure you are willing to pay the price, and most of all, you best darn be committed.
I had always been very wishy washy with my path, and so I would sway this way or that way, the point he was trying to make to me is this, "Look my friend, you walked through that door a long time ago, and you can't go back, now are you going to commit yourself to this, or are you going to keep sitting on the fence."
Ellegua has sometimes represented the trickster spirit, but I feel that he is the energy that guards the doors to the spirit world. If you are clear, Ellegua is clear, if you are not clear, and not committed, every obstacle will be thrown in the way until you do commit yourself, it is about personal responsibility, and most of all, never forgetting your wisdom.
Today was a powerful day of forgiveness for me, where I achieved another completion. I faced my shadow, and then most of all, I forgave those who had hurt me, and I forgave myself. I saw a vision of when I was a child, and there, after all these years, it was clear as day. I have a scar on the left side of my forehead, where I was jumping on the bed around 5 years old, and I hit my head on the corner of a dresser. Right on the sharp part, they gave me stitches, and sent me on my way. I felt that side of my head, there was pain. I knew in that instant, and I cannot describe the experience, that it wasn't my fault. I cannot describe to you this deep level of forgiveness I gave myself in that instant, but I put my head on that part of my head, and just said, "I love you." As I cried, the voices that had plagued me for years, went away. Now every time they start up, I put my hand on that side of my head, and I say, "I love you."
You do not know, my friends, what this meant to me, or what love I felt in that moment.
Then I opened a passage in Conversations with God, and I am going to type out what it said,
But even if I accept that--Hitler didn't know he was actually doing good. He thought he was doing bad!
No, he didn't think he was doing something "bad". He actually thought he was helping his people. And that's what you don't understand. No one does anything that is "wrong," given their model of the world. If you think Hitler acted insanely and all the while knew that he was insane, then you understand nothing of the complexity of human experience.
Hitler thought he was doing good for his people. And his people thought so, too! That was the insanity of it! The largest part of the nation agreed with him!
You have declared that Hitler was "wrong". Good. By this measure you have come to define yourself, know more about yourself. Good. But don't condemn Hitler for showing you that.
Someone had to.
You cannot know cold unless there is hot, up unless there is down, left unless there is right. Do not condemn the one and bless the other. To do so is to fail to understand.
For centuries people have been condemning Adam and Eve. They are said to have committed Original Sin. I tell you this: It was the Original Blessing. For without this event, the partaking of the knowledge of good and evil, you would not even know the two possibilities existed! Indeed, before the so-called Fall of Adam, these two possibilities did not exist. There was no "evil". Everyone and everything existed in a state of constant perfection. It was, literally, paradise. Yet you didn't know it was paradise--could not experience it as perfection--because you knew nothing else.
Shall you condemn Adam and Eve, or thank them?
And what, say you, shall I do with Hitler?
I tell you this: God's love and God's compassion, God's wisdom and God's forgiveness, God's intention and God's purpose, are large enough to include the most heinous crime and the most heinous criminal.
You may not agree with this, but it does not matter. You have just learned what you came here to discover.
Then I was reading DavaJeanne's blog today, it popped up on my phone at random, go figure, and after I really read it, I said to myself, "Damn man, she might be just the smartest person here."
I thought to myself, you know what, this IS my life, my life, I didn't come down through the Heavens, and incarnate into this body, to just give it away, or to allow others to use it, its my body!!!
And for the first time, I got it.
And you know, today, I had my picture up with the make-up, and such, and I said to myself, you know, its pretty, but when am I going to be fearless enough to just be ME? No matter how much paint you put on the pick-up, its still a pick-up!!! So I said to myself, you know what, RIDE OR DIE, and I realized, there is beauty there, and there is not beauty, but in all the perfections and imperfections, it makes one perfection, and that's me. There is no reason to cover me up. I am who I am.
The only person I cheat by not be real, is me.
Hope you all have a great rest of the week, see some of you tomorrow for Sacred Circle. Love you all, so much! I hope you know that.