OK, this is it. I don't care how many planets are in retrograde, my energy is mine and I get to decide what
flavour I want it to be. I am tired of being tired and miserable, so I'm gonna take over this whole business
and whip myself back into shape. Musta forgotten who was in charge for a little while around here. Let 'outside'
energies come in and start bossing me around. Enough! Stop! It's over! Attitude adjustment time.
Seems I've been giving way too much energy and attention to headaches. Gave them the drivers seat or something.
I was feeling RULED by headaches...I don't LIKE being ruled. By anything. It doesn't look like the end of these
headaches is gonna be anytime real soon, so I'd best get myself sorted to get through this to the end. Wallowing
around in feeling sorry for myself hasn't eased even one little headache moment, so I spose there's not much point
in doing that, is there? I've also noticed that using swear words has no healing advantage. I might stop that too.
It's not my normal natural nature to be a grumpy crosspatch. I've developed some skills over the past few weeks, but
it wasn't a role I was very comfortable in. Of course headaches are NOT comforting companions, so I can't fault myself
for being frustrated and miserable. But I CAN fault myself for consciously allowing myself to wallow. Enough is enough.
I refuse to let headaches colour my whole world for even one nano second longer.
Order of the day is gratitude. Gratitude is such a nice energy to enfold ourselves within. It's like love, but has more
depth. Kinda like joy, but wider, and kinda like happiness, with a big pretty bow on top. Figured I might as well start
at the 'top' and work my way through. Gratitude fills you with this lovely frothy light kinda energy that just feels
wonderful. Once you find yourself in gratitude, well, heck, seems all the rest of the 'good stuff' just comes rushing
on in with little or no effort.
Now I gotta be honest, I'm doing the best I can here, but it's kinda hard to be grateful for these rotten headaches.
Not even gonna go there. I'm going for BIG gratitude. The kinda gratitude that makes your heart swell up with a
lovely fullness that feels like its might overflow all over you. That sorta gratitude. Course around here where I
live it's really easy to find stuff to be grateful for. In addition to my lovely home, my beloved life partner and
my animal companions, which really are enough to bring a heap of gratitude, I've got Mother Earth showing her beauty
and majesty everywhere I look. Makes it a whole lot easier to be IN gratitude when you are surrounded by so much
love and beauty.
Not too sure how I managed to get myself on that misery side path. I'm not even sure I actually realized that I
WAS doing it. I didn't feel good, so I didn't think good or act good or any of that. Pretty slack huh? Probably
wasn't doing a very good job of walking my talk. Heck, I wasn't even doing much walking. Just moping around being
OK, this is me post attitude adjustment. I am now filled with gratitude. Gratitude for being, for being here, on
this beautiful planet having this amazing life experience. This is me giving all the departments a stern
warning NOT to allow this misery stuff to happen again. Maybe it was something I needed to experience, heck there
was probably a bloody lesson in there somewhere that I will understand with the magic of hindsight. Probably about
patience, cause I'm sure gonna need some. Doc says yep, polyp is probably the problem and will be surgically
removed, however, I can't get to see a specialist for three months or so. Hadda decide what I was gonna do with
that little tidbit. Thus the current attitude adjustment.
Love and gratitude are easy, so I guess I will focus on developing those particular muscles first. THEN I will
start working on patience. Course if I'm living moment by moment fully present in the now it won't really matter
all that much will it? OK, now I'm back on my path and taking it moment by moment. Things will take care of
themselves...sorry for spreading the misery all over the blog pages the past few days...I'm over it now.