How To Know If What We Want Is What We Need, And The Value of Paradoxical Thinking
It's been a tough ride. I had to rely on my intuition a lot. However, I never really thought of it as 'having' to rely on it, since I always knew it was one of the greatest assets we have as human beings. It was not always so clear but I don't feel that I've made any major mistakes in my life. Even things that now make me feel embarrassed, such as companions I agreed to share some time with in the past, were no doubt part of a deal. On the one hand, I feel that I let myself down a little by agreeing to things that were 'beneath' me in some way. I wanted to fit in because I thought it was what I had to do. Sure, to some extent we do as the Romans do... yes. But I hope it's all over now. Or very soon, at least. I no longer want to have to worry about whether I am meeting up with someone else's standards. Especially not when I learn that people I have given my heart to in the past have made the most vile choices imaginable in their lives today. It hurts a little, as if it is a personal critique. Of course it is not and so it must be released somehow.
Yes, there is more flow and lightness in my and other people's lives now. There's the occasional wind that stirs the sails... but at least in my case what is helping a great deal is that I am finally getting confirmation of who I truly am. The person that is me feels more like an actress in a drama than ever before. I am a little clueless as how to proceed, but hope that directions will come. It is funny how we need confirmation to truly believe in ourselves. How hard to be in this reality and have a clear concept of oneself! Although I am able to see myself in one mirror or another almost constantly (as everything that I encounter reflects me) the chaos that prevails right now makes me feel confused. I now know why I have always actively avoided confusing events, seminars, lectures, too many books, too many opinions... I needed to keep it simple and intuitively go for only the input that was meaningful to me personally. I almost faked my way through university because of this, hahaha... Anyway, during the week I had the scary encounter with an American salesperson connected to the green card lottery, and she certainly ended up giving me great second thoughts about whether I want to go there at all! However, it may be one of those fears that need to be overcome somehow. I immediately went for another teaser, which is an advertisement for a numerological analysis. The teaser was very accurate. As an example I might mention that a leading number is 11, which according to this source stands for "The Master Teacher, Illumination, Enlightenment, Inspirational, Idealism, Intuitive, Psychic, Channeling, Poetry, Art, Symbols, Expression, Dreamer, Revolution, Drugs, Alternate Consciousness, Mysticism, Catalyst, Prisoner, Prophet". I can certainly relate to most of these denominations, hahaha. It's funny that I had just recently realized that I am a catalyst in quite a deep way. How comforting to have it all black on white! The question is, do I really need it? Am I in for another temptation to spend money on something that provides with some temporary relief but doesn't really 'fix' anything? How do we navigate in this sea of confusing and extreme expressions of our capitalist society?
Another thing that came to mind is that somehow it seems that most people still don't understand the value and status of paradoxes. Ok, so we live in a dualist world - I mean, surely yin and yang will continue to exist, though maybe in a new form. That I am not in a position to predict. But what I do know is that we need to learn to think in terms of both-and rather than either-or. This is absolutely and truly crucial. Being able to see both sides of a polarity is not the ultimate truth, but it is a much more advanced way of thinking than what humanity is used to. And so I would suggest, that every time there is an issue, we try and see it from two or more points of view, and remember that within a polarity that divides, there is not one truth that is more valuable than the other. I myself have trouble accepting other people's truth when it comes to certain issues that really seems to matter to this person's well being or the well being of the whole. But I am still stuck in my subjective perception of the case in question. Although I may see more than this person, I have no right to interfere in the way their development unfolds unless directly asked to. We do not have to go around and bow to everybody's 'truth' as if we were disconnected from each other. We are interconnected and that's it. But it's always a matter of balance. As I would put it, it is a matter of finding the golden middle path.
Artwork: "Where My Dream Ended", all rights reserved V-M C 1995
- symbolistartist's blog
- Login or register to post comments