The Broken Heart

We usually suppress powerful emotions. As our minds become more developed, we begin to play mental games in order to lessen the felt intensity of our painful feelings. As small children, we feel we may be overwhelmed and even die, if we don't "do something" to lessen emotional intensity...
We learn rather quickly what activities seem to
diminish the felt "pain" of our own emotional volatility. Some of these activities include changing our breathing patterns; moving or holding our bodies in specific way (e.g. strenuous movement or tensional rigidity); development of fantasies and mental images; and conscious habit alteration (e.g. eating patterns)...

These habits and mental games form hardness, a kind of mental armoring around our naturally open hearts. We come to believe they will defend us from intrusion. They seem to protect us from anticipated hurt. They seem to prevent others from touching us where or when we are most vulnerable...in our heart of hearts. In the name of defense, we close up. We shut others out and ourselves in...

In ancient Chinese calligraphy, the symbol for the mind and the symbol for the heart are the same... "hsin." When we close our minds, when we close our hearts, they become the same, like the two halves of the hard shell which surrounds a walnut. These two parts are hard, sealed together, protecting the soft inner core...the inner nature of the walnut...the nourishment for new life when the seed opens and sprouts...

In order for a walnut to sprout, to grow, to develop into the large tree it was meant to be, the hard shell must break. In order for us to grow, to develop into the persons we were meant to be, we must allow our hearts to break open. It can be a terrifying thought...to allow our hearts to break, to become open and vulnerable to all that
living has to offer whether it be joy or sadness, pain or pleasure, hurt or healing. A broken heart is an open heart...

I was told of a fourteen-year-old, schizophrenic boy, mute for some years, who began to practice yoga while listening to music in the background. As the relaxing sounds of the music played, he approached his teacher and spoke for the first time in years, "That music is enough to break your heart." It was the beginning of his healing...

The broken heart is the open heart. The heart that has allowed the armoring to crack, to break, and to fall away exposing the soft inner core. Sometimes it takes pressure, pain, or absolutely overwhelming emotion, before a heart is broken. Sometimes it takes a firm, caring hug. Sometimes it takes only a thought, a memory, a mental image. Sometimes it takes an offered gift of caring, of being there, of support. We are always being invited to allow our hearts to crack, to break, to remain open to life...

Keeping the heart open to the physical pain of injury or illness is probably the most difficult task we have in our desire to keep open to all of Life. The natural tendency is to shrink back, to close up, to tense and withdraw, to harden against further pain. Yet, to do so often leads to greater pain, further tension, further illness...

Suffering seems to result in further hardness or it can lead to the
development of compassion. Some of the most compassionate people are the ones who have suffered the most! Compassion means the sharing of joy and pain...

Opening the heart means allowing the usual filters of fear, loathing, anger, and hate to soften. We can allow ourselves to take in the pain, take in the illness, take in the suffering, and surround it with tender awareness, compassion, gentleness, and with love...

To open our hearts with a kind of merciful curiosity about our loss, our pain, our fear, our rage, is to open ourselves to the very heart of healing. It allows our lives to be lived with our hearts instead of only our bodies or minds. It is sending love to ourselves. Like the walnut, becoming open is allowing the possibility of new growth, of freedom, of healing, of developing our human nature. Without a broken and open heart, we remain shut out of Life...separate and
isolated from ourselves and from others...

With a broken heart, we are open to love, to healing, and to joy. Yes, with an open heart, we are vulnerable to hurt and pain, but these are also a part of being alive. With a broken heart, we are vulnerable to Life and all its aspects. Life, the most precious of all gifts...

In order to receive that gift, allow your heart to break and to remain open!

Author: Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph. D.