Taking Back your Power: It's OK to say NO!

For once I Felt

Enough

Of the Pain

For a Moment, I

Dreamed

Of No Tommorow

Finally..I said

Yes

To screaming No

Yes, enough Dreamed

Dreamed enough, Yes

~Oct. 2006 Kachina~

Has anyone ever told you that it is ok, to say, "NO"?

I was born to this planet the eternal optimist. With this personality, I was naturally a "YES" person..Yes, Yes, Yes, and Yes! Once upon a time, this was nearly my destruction.

Many teachings and sociological beliefs have arisen the past decades, all ingraining within us, the desire to be "all that you can be"..to "Just Do IT"..to "take the world by it's proverbial 'kahuna's"..Be positive, positive..POSITIVE!

All of that, is fine..in fact perfectly so..when understood, and balanced.

Most 'lightworkers'..'gifted ones'..'spiritual beings'(whatever your prefered term is),  walking Mother today, were incarnated with a strong, nearly overwhelming desire to serve others. Our biggest challenge, and unrecognized still, by a large portion of these Souls, is the NEED, and yes, I say Need..to first, serve oneself.  No matter how well intentioned a Soul may be..if you do not attend to yourself and allow yourself to be drained and run down by your many good works..you will crash..plain and simple, and be of no use to anyone or anything.

So what do I mean by serving Oneself first?   It is about developing and maintaining boundaries, about understanding energies..that which we are, that which effects us in a positive manner, that which does not. It is about recognizing what one is responsible for, and what one is not. It is based in not playing the game of 'expectations'..and about standing within One's center, empowered.

Self-empowerment comes when one understands what their Self needs, to be their personal optimal best, within all energy bodies, to be optimaly "Charged/Powered". When this is realized, one's emotions stay even, mental clarity is achieved, and the physical body easily becomes and maintains it's natural, perfect state of being. When one is "em-powered", they are then within the probabilities of being able, within their 3d bodies, to axcess and receive higher energies/consciousness within. To live, within the flow of Now. I believe that Self-empowerment is a neccessary step to achieving Self-Realization.

How does one begin the path to being Self-empowered?  It is actually quite simple. And, yes, it involves saying "NO". It is a process of simple observation of one's emotions..how one feels in certain situations, when interacting with other people, situations etc. Then making choices based upon these observances.

To begin: Allow yourself to feel, to remember a time when you felt 'alive'..vibrant, healthy, power-full. When all felt just right, as it should be. This, I would term, your center, this, is Being Centered. When you have rekindled this feeling, this state of Being..begin at that point, to allow yourself to bring into your awareness, one situation at a time that is a part of your now, your today.

For example: You are now within your center. The phone rings. It is your child's science teacher informing you that Ms. Brown, whom agreed to assist in the classroom tommorow, has cancelled at the last moment. He says, "Since you have always been such a valued assistant to the School, can you come in her stead, your help is needed?" Now, you, in your perfect center, quickly have a checklist going on mentally, something like.."Hmm..he needs me to be there in class from 8AM-11AM..and I already am scheduled to take the dog to the Vet at 8:00, yoga is at 10:00, and I really was looking forward to joining Sue for tea at the new sidewalk cafe that just opened, some fresh air and chat would be nice". Yet, there is another part of you having another dialogue simultaneously that goes a bit like.."Well, I am Needed..he said how valued I am..and if I don't do it, who will?..and if I don't..what will that mean? Will I be asked to do anything again..or will I be blacklisted as the selfish Mom..hmm..maybe I should cancel all my plans and go to assist in class..if I don't..something really bad will happen..and it will be all my fault!"  9 out of 10 times, this other dialogue within, the one that screams, "If you don't do it disaster will ensue"..jumps forth with "Absolutely, if I am needed, I will be there"..and then, you hang up the phone, and realize that suddenly that perfect feeling of Being..your centered-ness, your happy-place, went "poof"!  So, you try to console yourself that everything you must now put to the side,  will be there on another day. You then procede to take the next hour cancelling and rescheduling your planned activities for the next day. As you are doing this, you feel more and more anxious and flat. Now, you are out of your center. A few hours later, the children come home from school, they ask if you will take them to the local park for some playtime and a picnic. You answer them with a "No..not today"..because the re-arranging of your schedule for tommorow, along with the anxious feelings and flatness that followed, prevented you from doing the chores you had planned to accomplish by the time they arrived home. Now, you feel as if you are an ogre and a bad mother as you see the deflated look upon your children's faces. That evening, while now in a not-so-nice inner state of anxiousness, guilt, and flatness..your spouse phones that he will be working late, but mentions it would be nice to take a neighborhood stroll when he arrives home, would you care to join him? You quickly calculate mentally that if you join him later, you will not be in bed at the time you would like to arise tommorow and do all the neccessary preparations to assist in class. So, you say "No, I cannot tonight, another time". You have now added frustration and more guilt to your already not-so-nice inner state of being. NOW, is the time to put the brakes on and look at how you came to be here in this state, when only a few hours before, you were in your centered Heaven.

Obviously, the one choice you made to assist in tommorow's class, a commitment made from a sense of "if I don't commit and do it, some form of disaster will ensue"..didn't go well at all. That one decision, has exhausted you, and prevented you from being able to share with your children and spouse activities that were immediately satisfying and positive for all. Also, the things you enjoy, yoga and that sidewalk cafe date with Sue..went out the door too!  You go to bed feeling bad..and 10 steps behind the game..stressed, disappointed, angry..ahhh..you name it, it is all swirling around inside. No possibilty of being centered like this. Completely Dis-empowered.

So, what could you have done differently? Back-track to where this 'coming out of your center' began. Ah, Yes..the phone call with the science teacher. As soon as you had recognized that your feel good state was slipping, that you were coming out of your center, you should have imployed the, "thank you for asking, I need a bit of time to see if am able to assist, may I get back to you shortly?" Then have allowed yourself to run through the scenario. You are still within your center at this point, still feeling perfectly wonderful. So work the scenario mentally, try it on for size, per se.

First on the list: taking the dog to the vet.  You think, "Hmm..no big deal, I can reschedule, it is not urgent" With this conclusion, you still feel centered, A-OK. Good!

Next: yoga class. "Well, I do go daily, and one day won't be missed..I shall substitute with a bit of an at-home session tommorow in place of."..still centered. Wonderful!

Last: cafe with Sue. "Oh, I really do want to spend time with Sue..I so enjoy her time and she is seldomly free with her schedule to join me for just some chat..I may not have the opportunity to meet with her again for who know's how long?..and she did make time in her schedule when I asked her for this chat date!" With this conclusion, you are now coming out of your center. You feel somewhat guilty for asking Sue to spare her time with you and not following through..and, disappointed, because you know that every time the two of you are together it feels so wonderful then and after. The interesting conversation..the shared laughter. This is the crucial point, of recognizing you are coming out of your center, your  feeling-perfectly in Heaven state, is now quickly receding..and here you STOP.

Now, it is time to say: No. You phone the science teacher with the simple, "I appreciate your regard of me but I am unable to assit this time due to other commitments..I do so enjoy working with the School though, so please feel free to contact me in the future if my aid is desired"..No harm, no foul here! The teacher thanks you for your time and consideration, and the call ends on pleasant terms. You feel great..centered. This continues to flow into the rest of your day. You take the children to the park..it is so much fun for all! Your husband comes home to happy children, a home maintained and a spouse that is looking forward to that neighborhood stroll. You go to bed, happy..content..centered. The next morning flows beautifully and in your chat with Sue, she proposes to you an idea for starting a new business. You feel thrilled as it is exactly your cup-of-tea..and the blessings just keep rolling in! Too..look at all the wonderful things you accomplished and how much you assisted others, by simply recognizing the one situation that was not a good fit within at this time.

This, is living the Self-empowered, centered Life. An easy flow based upon making decisions from within your center..

I invite you to begin this process today. You will find that when working this: Yes , at times you shall have to say NO. Yes, there will be some people that will not continue to ask things of you, nor wish to be involved with you..frankly, because they are 'takers'..yet everything is a give and take..this is balance. So if it seems you have the "taker" sorts leaving your life..I can promise that you are better off for it!  Alas, if you find I am wrong..no worries..you can easily get them back! 

One last thing to mention..you do need to recognize those that truly do "need" you..common sense here. A minor child..needs you. An elderly parent or a disabled individual, quite possibly needs you. This is just common sense. Yet, you too, can define boundaries within these relationships and situations by using the above scenario/steps that will allow you to hold your center and maintain your Self-empowered state of Being. I trust fully that those that employ this are not going to shirk their true responsibilities of the well-being of their charges.

Love to You..I hope this helps you to realize and BE that magnificent well-centered, Heaven within/without that I see in You!

Blessings~Kachina