please sever this "bad luck" from myself and all i am connected to...

these days, there is much, much healing needed in my own world. i feel i am definitely not unique in this situaion--we all need healing, in abundance, every day, flowing until our spirit stands in its own being...

basically our little family has experienced an enormous amount of "bad luck". the birth of my one year old was induced which was entirely unessicary and abusive to my being. the stay in the hospital was horrific with science fiction like evil nurses (lol) who totally neglected me. my fiance and family were at odds so i had to make sure they visited separately, and because of this didnt really feel nurtured by either's presence. 2 days after i arrived home, child services knocked on my door because i had missed a few appointments at the pregnancy clinic i was going to and they weren't aware of the doctor i had chosen for my newborn. when i got to the doctor, they mistakenly thought my son was losing weight so they instructed me to wake him up through the night to nurse him. this interrupted his and my sleeping patterns (he was the type of baby who was sleeping well through the night)....

it took me 3 months to recover and no one helped me. my fiance was under stresses of his own (being mexican, trying to adapt to a canadian world) and we ended up separating at that time (we are now together again)...during my period of recovery i would frequently develop a fever and shivers from lack of sleep and (i think) stress). i had no one to talk to and no one understood.

more happend that year and i was only able to pull through it alone with my own strength and strategy.

right now, i am 6 1/2 months pregnant and we are living in mexico. monday, our flight to return to canada leaves and (i dont want to get into the details) but it seems my fiance may not be able to come becuase of "complications" with his passport combined with yesterday just having lost his wallet which had the last of our (little) money for our trip back. this year, our car has been robbed 2 times. they stole our baby seat as well as my fiance's computer.

i just want to focus on a happy peaceful life. i want to have a good pregancy and labour. i want to return to canada with my fiance, i want my family and him to put aside their differences (at least for my sake), i want to heal my strained relationship with my family and i want the doctors and hospitals to feel safe and healing, not like with my first son.

((DEEEP BREATH)))

the tears of these difficulties come, combined with a sense of pressure to make sure they dont repeat.

i try to think positive through this bad luck, aweful situations and horrific moments...that they made me stronger....that they wont happen again...but i need some peace in my life now please, please, please!

in love and gratitude.

ninja twilight