Total loss of spiritual direction...

That has been me since the end of last year. Doesn't feel too good being in such a state-- when I moved to NM, I had a vision, a sense of purpose and a desire that filled every fiber of my being. Then, my reality crashed, and my affiliation with the group of which this purpose of mine was originally connected, went spiralling down the drain. My purpose and desire remains, I think it would and could go on without this group affiliation, but with the ongoing disappointments and lack of progress (my purpose being the formation of an eco-community in southern NM), I find just about all desire and motivation is pretty much gone. It's not depression-- my life is good, I moved up in the job, me and my son are doing great. The hum-drum that used to drive me nuts is now like the lullaby in a soft cradle that puts me to sleep. The routine is a comfort. I find this a bit disturbing, because I know rough times are ahead, and the last thing I can afford to be is complacent. My spiritual direction is gone, and while it bothers me, I have a "nyah, whatever" attitude about things now-- almost like I quit caring. I don't know if I have lost faith, or if I am simply in a state of waiting. Maybe my writing this means I haven't quit caring, or else I wouldn't bother. I don't know. It seems, I don't know much of anything these days. Nyah...