LOVE is PERFECT!!!!!!!  I want you to know who Courtland; LOVE LIGHT really IS.....an AWESOME RAY of LOVE and a BEAMING BEACON of LIGHT, Always!
 
 As a child Momma and I were not so close as she was a very young and she had to make some very hard decisions at a very young age....she gave me up to live with my dad....and for years I would cry myself to sleep...blaming myself for Mom and Dad divorcing....Crying because I felt like mom didn't love me enough...when little did I know at the time she was giving ALL of her HEART to me, so that I would not go without….LOVING ME UNCONDITIONALLY....so I would live most comfortably...and in general when she left me in the custody with my dad when I was 4....she was only 22 yrs. old....she knew then at 22 she could not keep me and be financially stable...so when I went to live with my dad he was very loving, very nurturing, what every girl dreams for her daddy to be.
 
My mom made a most EXTREMELY hard decision at such a young age but I came to realize when I had my own children she did it out of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE....Ironically I was 21 when I had my first child….yet when I was a young girl....I did not understand WHY? or HOW  a MOTHER could do such a thing to a child…..until….My husband and I split 4 different times and I was more financially stable than he was and very independent….that is when I realized what would I do if I were in his shoes?  How would I survive without being with my children?
 
If I knew my kids were in the right place for the right reasons I certainly would not want them to suffer going without clothing, food, shelter…and between the ages of 17 and 22 my mother was faced with many of those things, because she had NO ONE to help her….What a great sacrifice, not knowing what the future may bring but having enough FAITH that I would return to where my heart belonged……and for years I held anger and pain against her....I would say things to her that would be very hurtful and painful, after all I felt so much pain after all the years I had been without her….and by being without her I mean….not having a MOTHER to be there my every waking moment, I talked with her often, and spent every summer with her, so I really wasn’t without her, I just perceived as though I was….had she of taken some of the things I said and did to heart, we would not be where we are today!  But she was My Mom....she never faltered, she was always here for me even if it wasn't in the way I wanted...she was never far from my heart, mind, body and soul…...another answered prayer I didn't realize until I was much older, and a parent myself!  
 
TODAY and EVERYDAY…. She and I are like Sisters...she is my best friend!  I tell her everything, she tells me everything, and I do mean that literally....when people meet us they are amazed of the trial and tribulation we endured and how we could have such an absolutely incredibly close relationship...we are honest...we speak truth to one another...Our relationship is very intimate...very special and I am not afraid in saying so, it was not always these wonderful feelings of such great love....It became this great LOVE when we both started understanding of our similarities and that we learned from being apart how much we really were alike....and we also learned that LOVE never fades even if you are apart from someone for many years, sometimes we have to give up the most dearest things in order for them to be given back to us….Maybe that is why the quote: “If you LOVE something/someone set it FREE, if it comes back it is YOURS, if it does not it was never YOURS to begin with”...She is my LIFE, my LOVE, my HEART , my SOUL...MY EVERYTHING....apart from my husband...lol!  I live 17 houses away from her, and I will tell you my relationship with both of my parents (even my stepdad of 23 years), all three of my children and my husband are all WONDERFUL....but we all have to make a conscious decisions to make it that way....Life cannot be perfect all of the time, but LOVE conquers ALL~ We stick together...it takes too much energy to fight and we would rather devote our energy to each other living with LOVE in our hearts everyday EVERY MOMENT!
 
I LOVE ALL things DEEPLY, it has always been there....I love from my heart purely and whole heartedly....Giving myself to others is my best trait...just ask my mom....I think she taught me how to be so loving when she made the most hardest decision in her life, that would break her heart and MINE for some time, and knowing that I may possibly never forgive her....that is REAL LOVE...I am honored and blessed that she GAVE me LIFE!
 
Mom has taught me all about MEDITATION~ relaxing the body mind and spirit and connecting with your inner self...I do this daily, several times a day....just to feel balanced and to stay centered.
 
I SURRENDER & RELEASE all things that hold me back or keep me in a state of hurt or pain! I choose to be happy and I Live in LOVE always!
 
SOUL MATE~ Yes My Momma is my soul mate we are so connected...but I believe in having MANY Soul mates....I have many, I have found here....a deep inner connectedness...A DIVINE LOVE for ALL!
 
I LOVE YOU, My MOMMA ~ My LOVE LIGHT.... LOVE to YOU ALL!
 
K*~
 
Posted by ~*Krisanne*~ on Oct 7, 2008 7:00 AM