thats right from day 1 I have been having the feeling I dont improve fast enough. I feel like I should be improving much faster evne though I do the best I can everyday. and I do improve I dont think things are holding me back.
except maybe for this feeling I keep having. sometimes when I'm too tired to do a medtiation I slap myself in the head for it. and I dont like doing it..
but then again I also make excuses for myself towardsmyself like that I was just too tired which is true. so you cant really call it an excuse but the truth oh well you see what I mean? lol

I was wondering if anyone else has this feeling sometimes. or always. that they feel that they arent improving fast enough for their own good. feeling I might fall behind. I know I should live in the now moment but I cant help but to think about the future. about how things will be going for me in a year or maybe 10 years.

and then when I think about it I might get a doubt that says a little voice in the back of my head that says maybe tehr eis a point when you will stop improving and you wont get where you want to be in a year or in 10 years.
I dont even have any goals lol but there is something telling me this. something pushing me and kicking my ass if I slack off. what could it be?

oh well its a little depressing at times but everyone always cheers me up :] and the joy always beats my sadness as it should be!

and right now I'm chillin to music~