You know those times when you have a day or a week where you are not sure where your mind is at? Why you think a certain way or cannot kick a thought that isn't full of light. I feel I am a very loving and caring person, and for about a week and a half or so I've felt like I was in a slump. I know there were energies around as well as my human hormones...two weekends ago I just sat and looked at myself in the mirror.
Honestly...I don't know why I started thinking about it, but I started thinking and pondering my looks.

To me there are several groups of women in general who have a particular 'look'...they are all different and unique, but yet they look 'alike'. I feel like that there are many people with similar looks...physical features set a similar way, etc. and I've been feeling like a thorn in a garden of flowers.

I know looks are not what is important...but I think because I've found a big part of who I am...there are still parts of me that are catching up.
Part of the reason I started thinking of what I looked like was this nice old gentleman who comes to the Co-Op. He said that he loved my hair and my overall look...it's like I could've come out of the 20's.
I've also been likened to a pixie as well....and I feel sometimes I am faerie or elven. But really....does that matter?

I feel though, right now...so out of the loop. My style is eclectic; I'm just eclectic in personality as well as life. I wonder who I am...I shouldn't wonder what 'group' I am in....or what makes me attractive.
Society has so many cookie-cutter women plastered in men's magazines saying 'this is what you are attracted to no?' I find myself to look nothing similar to them at all. I am not tall...I am not fully 'solid'...I work out, but I'm not completely tone. I have a bigish butt for being of short stature (but my hubby loves it...and will say it is not big)...I have curly dark brown hair...my eyes are a green color of sorts...I have long eyelashes...I do not tan and if I have tan it is 'farmer tan' and not from a bed. I have full lips...I do not have a long neck...I have long fingers...for being 5'2" my feet are long (8 1/2 shoe size)...my breasts are small...I've been looking at myself and wondering at times WHY is anyone attracted to me...I know beauty is on the inside and a majority of why Bill loves me is personality. I'm loving, caring, selfless (to a fault)...I love Love...I just try and show everyone the kindness that I would love (and do) receive. But I sometimes wonder how someone could like my looks....I was in a major slump.

Also, I've been finding myself slightly more annoyed at others...but have been working with my cat on that. I found myself focusing on my love of her, and I felt her with me and that made me feel more loving and open yesterday.
I do not like feeling annoyance towards others...it is not a characteristic I have. I won't say I was not ever like that...but I worked on that and opened my heart to love and light...I know what it is like to be judged why do it unto others?

Earlier this week I was called by my double-terminated/elestial/enhydro/RK lovely; Azzarra (god's angel who was sent to earth) and have slept with her under my pillow and kept her with me during the day...she's provided me much comfort. I can get lost in time just looking at her...all the lights, rainbows, bubbles, shapes, etc. She's just a beam of light and healing.

I've also taken the time to sit and color...last weekend my sister-in-law got me this 20 large page color 'book' of Disney Fairies....and I find that coloring is therapeutic.

I know I am having a human experience...but I feel it is awful of me to have human tendencies like that.

A wonderful friend at work, whom I call Mamma Joan, said lovely words to me yesterday. I told her of my working on my judgmental feelings and focusing on ones of love and light. She said that I am very much a person of love and light, that for my young age I am so far ahead of others...(though my answer to that was I was on a path well-traveled)

I'm not sure entirely what this posting is to be about...besides myself getting words out on 'paper' to try and understand more why I've been having these thoughts and acting a certain way.

In other news...today I went to a shop here in town that has a small assortment of crystals. I found a nice Rose Quartz Vogel wand. Short and fat, and smaller than my cell phone...trying to think..probably as long as my pinkie finger.
I got the wand home and used my thumbnail to start taking the price stickers off when all of a sudden it broke in half. I've NEVER experienced that before, and I did not feel any crack lines, etc. when taking the stickers off...and I got that I was to use the points as male and female aspects. The shorter and fuller point is female while the slimmer point is male. Both are resting now in a bed of lavender flowers, rosemary leaf and rubbed sage leaf to clear them.