Why I have one, I'm not sure. Many people would say that an anger issue is a trait we inherit form our parents. My father apparently had a nasty temper and a very 'short fuse' as my mother would put it, thus my brother and I both have one too. People have just come to accept that my brother has one. They don't like it, but they realize it's true. With me however, it has been denied so many times, I myself came to simply think I don't actually have a problem. I have come to realize throughout the course of my adult life, that people think of a temper as causing a person to punch walls, yell excessively, jump up and down like a mad thing, and worst of all, possibly beat up on another person in rage. I do none of these things, thus it is denied that i too, have an anger issue. However I have come to realize I do have a different kind of anger problem. This being, that being that I am so often angry in the first place. I have gotten angry once at least every couple days for most of the last year. I try as much as i can to simply repress anger until i feel like I am going to explode, but them soon after, it simply disappears. Now i know of course that emotions, such as anger cannot just disappear once repressed. It has to go somewhere. it will have, and is now having, an affect on me in many ways. I however don't have any better ideas. I feel so much lately, like I never learned how to release anger properly and safely. I also find that I can't repress it very well anymore. Maybe it's because of awakening, or maybe it;s just because I have no room left to repress anything, I don't know. Who knows, it could even be the result of getting older I suppose. Of course now, as i am typing this out I realize the most likely reason here now. how can I possibly be in the process of emotional clearing, yet still be repressing new emotions at the same time. That would, of course, be extremely counter productive. well I suppose this could then explain why it took me til age 26 to fully realize I do indeed have a problem with anger. When anger cannot be repressed I am actually forced to stare it in the face and admit that I am just another of the kind of people that my family judges as such a negative personally type. it seems that to most of the world, having a temper is NOT a good thing. And so it is with mostly good reason that people don't like to be around it. The only issue i now see that is causing problems with it is that people will just assume that anger is dangerous. it's not always true. In fact, it's not often the case at all. Just because someone is anger as all heck because their car won't run, it does not mean that they are going to break another person's legs.

I'm not sure in any case, about the old idea that I have a problem because my father did. I never know him well enough to learn to be angry like him, and I'm not sure our emotions are really hereditary. I'm also not sure whether an anger problem is really a problem at all. As long as no one is getting hurt, why do people still feel the need to persecute anger as such a horrible thing. I spent my life repressing rage because of that horrible way it is looked at. It is unbecoming of a young lady to get so mad she throws something at the wall, or yells at someone. It is horrible to be like my father. I can deal with anger to a good extent. With it is at a person, I can't simply talk to the person in question properly and explain why I am not pleased with what they have done. however what if it is an inanimate object that has given me trouble? Last night my computer started acting up again. I can hardly reason nicely with at now can I, lol. I got mad. This morning, upon finding that the problem was bigger than i can fix myself and cheaply. I got into another bout of anger, which I of course tried to repress bout could not. I solved the problem to a small degree, but it is hardly a solution alt all. I'm still at the point where I am ready to blow. it is getting worse. I can't repress. I can't release, and I can't solve the things that are causing me to nearly fly into a rage so often. it's immature to get mad when things don't work my way. Immaturity is highly frowned upon too in this world. People lead me down the same path over and over again. they tell me it's wrong to be immature and to have a temper, yet they deny I have that problem and never explain how to fix it. It's the same repeating cycle over and over. I can't fix this and yet i don't like what i am today. I don't like it anyway. for me, anger seems to cause what feels like physical illness. It also scares me, being so angry at times that I don't know how to stop it. After a big mess i got into a few evenings ago, over who knows what, i truly realized just how frightening it was to be so vary enraged. I have not idea what it was even really about. I'm finally admitting here, as most here are not judgmental and likely won't hold this against me, that I need help. I need to learn how to not be so angry.