It surprises me sometimes how much chaos and traumatic events can affect a person. Earlier this week I had somewhat of a crisis moment with my husband. I’m not going to go into huge detail about it, but we’ll say that this is not the first time that this has happened. Also it happened without warning, and it was shocking to me (as well as to him). He did go and seek help, and will be seeing a counselor now (which is good). Just everything around me seems to be a mixture of blur and confusion. I am focused, I am intent, but I am exhausted mentally and emotionally (and physically too). Or I should say that the mental and emotional exhaustion is making me physically tired.
My eyes are heavy, I feel like a mess…yet I have moments where I do feel alert, alright, and ready to go (so to say).
I had a massage and that helped me some, to get rid of stress that I was holding so tightly in my shoulders.
I just feel like I’m in a fog of sorts…and now work is going to be different schedule wise at some point which will make talking to my friend more difficult. Also it will make scheduling an appointment with a counselor more difficult (as instead of 4 ten hour days I’ll be back to 5 eight hour days).
A moment ago while talking to my husband, I just felt like crying. Letting a couple tears out helped ease the pressure in my head, but I know I need a cry-session (just I’m at my other job right now and cannot)
At some point tho, I’ll have my cry.
I know things will all work out…it is difficult to not know what you really feel. I’m logical to know some of my thoughts are not correct…but I cannot seem to help feeling that way regardless. I had three people tell me I should see someone (a counselor) at some point. I feel stuck, and I know of things to do to help get me un-stuck, but it doesn’t seem to work to the full capacity. I need help, I admit it…I need someone to give me options I have not thought of…and ultimately I want someone who does not know me to listen to me. Give me ideas that I haven’t thought of…and some tools that I do not have to help me feel somewhat ‘normal’ again also tools to help better my relationship with my hubby.