Greetings...
my fellow teachers my fellow pupils... it seems its been a while since i have been within this sacred energy...Of course i would be drawn to read this very open and loving insight.

I have opened to my Godself... I had a rather huge and powerful transformation through these very months.... My beautiful gift from the universe...The heart whom spoke to mine...the very heart who recgonized me and my raw pure heart... in aug of 07... my partner...in this lifetime and many others...her eyes were the eyes in which i saw God. where i wanted to go to my knees.. and those eyes and her heart fed me... Her arms embraced me as i went through a grand release.. we are now in may og 09. almost two years since my heart drank from the love of her heart. She has bravley stood beside me and fed me her pure love.. I have had many many ups and downs and tears and laughter..
but our hearts have became stronger through these bumpy times...

my whole family and everyone else began to fall apart..drugs, lies the whole big bam. my dog puppy butt is even in the pound right now. Every freakin fear that i ever had came up. nothing in which i could control. i began running around trying to do what i do best fix everyone..then i began to re-live all of my old selves.. my beautiful partner tried to tell me i was losing myself within their chaoticness. finally and explosive day happened in which i felt so much hurt watchijng my family break.. remembering my dark nights... then i was consumed and broken.. she did the only thing she could think of.. she took me away the next mornign after that freightful day. we visit her dad.. we come to the hills.. I cried and hurt so deep within. her father stood there as anchor as well as his daughtr the love of my life and fed me through the hearts..neext day back down we go.. i hurt so bad being the strength for my mom and my dad and brother and so many others.. that finally within 2 days of being back down . i told mac i was ready to move to the hills to be near your dad.. that night he got into motocycle accident. broke his knee and we have been up there since. through the process of my family going through their darkest night of the soul. i hid in the hills... but rather then hiding. i was actually just retreating to remember who i am. up the hill amongst the trees serving a fellow brother on this joureny while he was benched in his accident, his neighbor i found was family hybernating in his cave. so mac and i have been tending to two amazing masters hiding in the mountains her father and his neighbor. her father is an amaizing writer he use to teach college, now he is retired. i feel mumbled around him for he is my new teacher..the neighbor is my new student, yet the neighbor is a master musicain which we found common ground with. he heart has been hidden. i spoke to him about our garden.. then he ran next door, brought back old pictures of his garden. i mentioned my girlfriend being an amazing muscian. he ran back to his trailor and brought his dusty guitars... now he is teaching mackenzie his amazing talent... her dad is watching her and learning that he also is an ols soul..

what im trying to say is...the four of us in the hills are teachers of the heart...the neighbor told me hey you know how you told me that your nervous around macs dad... i said yeah.. he said well i feel when im around that im in the presence of a great master... one who has just fed my heart.. through this process these last few weeks.. i felt and did exactly what these very words above said...

yesterday i woke up and yearning to be there for my mom. back down the hill i come.. this time fully present within myself... i read a few book out there teaching me to respond to my thought as thoughts, not bad or good. just to say thoughts...and everytime somehting goes through me i say thoughts and its as if im there observing them and not being them.... i faced my fears and figured out all i have to do is just be hear and say nothing and the enrgy rises... i was so confused as to how i could feed friends and strangers my heart but couldnt feed the cloest to it.. they were to close and i had a personal attachment to my family and of course my puppy butt... once i trulylet go of the worry and such... which i had a complete slap down with the energies... but i sit her today and smile about these last few months... saturday i get to collect my puppy butt from the pound.. she also is sensitve and couldnt deal with the energies within the house in which we left.. so instead of her dying my fear, she went to the pound, another fear, yet one i had to feel through and understand i couldnt save my dog from her journey as well... sorry for the essay but so much neded to be said...
love light and inner strength my fellow warriors!!! we are certaintly progressing!
Shelly