first off let me present you with what I discovered about myself.
this pattern:

I feel so good about progressing > I getting into uplifting spirit and thought everything is going amazing > my ego is bragging about it in my head sometimes I express this into words aswell.  this brings me down casually > Slowly I am coming to a stop with the bragging as I do not feel amazing anymore. I start to feel a bit down for whatever reason. (always something haha) > it doesn't go on for long untill I meditate for a few days and get a new source of feeling uplifting and great. And I progress.
 
dumbing it down:
progress > uplifting spirit > ego > not feeling uplifted > meditation/ naturally going back into my groove. repeat repeat repeat.
and the cycle repeats. and it has been repeating like this for most of my lifetime on earth. It pretty insane when you think about it. that i only have realised this exact pattern, yesterday.
I was talking to lightsoulja about stuff lol and then "it came to me" well it didn't just came to me I recognised it myself.but yeah.
so now I see what are the kinks in my progressing and I can recognise what is bothering me. ego is. and the ego is myself. so I am hindering myself lol. it's so weird. I will have to figure out a way now to use my ego to uplift mysefl even stronger and raise myself exponential.
 
that would be all for now.