The experience of dramatic events without identifying with them all last week has been a tremendous blessing. I can only describe it by comparing my reactions to such an event prior to this week, then the compensation thereof and now in the balanced state the experience of drama without "buying into it".
In the past, accidents/injuries of loved ones had profound impact on me - at first, the dreaded shock and states of utter helplessness, lack of power were prevalent. I was unable to detach, got sucked into the drama of the event and was swirled around in the midst of it, spending my energy left and right, at random. In compensation to this state, I would then "steel my backbone" and get really strong, step up to the plate and deal with everything in an almost military, authoritarian fashion, indeed, a very powerful spot to be in. Alas, it's only the cover up of the helpless state.

This past week has shown a new way to experience the events around me without being attached to them. Of course, there is concern, of course there is compassion for the suffering of my mate, of course, there is some concern of "will it all turn out right" - but the main difference lies in a sense of it not mattering one way or the other. Get me right, of course part of me knows it matters, but the attachment whether it matters or not was just simply not there. As I am trying to describe the last week's events, I have to say, everything was in perfect balance, in flow, a movement was there that just wanted to be followed and it lead to incredible encounters, amazing moments of recognition, showed countless different avenues of potential outcome, all valid unto themselves. It also brought about the truth about some "friendships" which now have ceased to exist. Other friends have entered my life.

It was energetically a very stressful week, with many things that were already planned before the accident and time was hard to manage, therefore I found myself not managing it at all and it all worked out like a charm. It was a week of surrender to the events, a week of drama trying to tug on the old strings, but no energy was available to respond in the tried (and not so true) ways of old.

This new found way to experience life can best be described as one of being detached, yet at the same time be fully immersed. It is not the detachment that happens sometimes beacuse of not wanting to experience something. It is a different kind of detachment. Things aren't happening TO YOU anymore, they just happen - there is no sense of victimhood, nor being in control. There is no need for either. There are no people "out to get you" or "taking advantage of you" - there are just actors in a continously unfolding story. Nothing seems real, yet the injury at the center of this story last week is very physically real (or is it?), pain and all. Of course the attachments that were my lens throughout most of my life tried to grab ahold of me every now and then - but they just couldn't really hook into me for any length of time. The core of my emotion: total inner knowing that all is as it is supposed to be - there is no faith, for that would put something greater outside of me to have faith in. There is no trust, for the same reason. Best of all, there is no fear - nor is there awesome bliss or love. There is however total acceptance and surrender of the "I" who has not much to say in it all. Since this week presented itself as a total whirlwind of events, there is no energy left for a struggle so that the I can start the rule again. The comfort and calmness of the detached state I'm trying to describe is "reward" enough to forgo the self-satisfaction of the ego-state. The "I" dealt with the practical everyday things - it did a really good job. That's it's purpose to still be able to "function" in the physical form it seems.

I know this may not be the "tell all" of everything that happens, I am just trying to give a glimpse from my point of view.

Your comments are very welcome :)
Blessings
Claudia