more and more do I encounter an inability to put something up on my blog that holds "truth", or "a tidbit of great information" ... these are the parameters that I used to hold high. Now I sit here, and can't think of anything to say - there is nothing to say, it doesn't matter what I say! There are no questions and no answers, there are no desires to learn about something, there are no attachments to anything really.
The anniversary of my day of birth came and went last week and nothing, no party, no special desires for special foods, no attachment whether someone said "Happy Birthday" or not - I connected warmly with my friends, it was a beautiful, stormy day, I didn't "have" to do anything, so I didn't do anything in particular. "This is a most peculiar state", cried my ego who used to be rather attached, either to the grief of the passing years, or the excitement of celebration. The rituals of old are not attractive any longer, the celebrations should not happen on one particular day any longer... If the desire for celebration appears, I will celebrate. If the desire for special tasty food happens to show itself again, I will give myself tasty food. There isn't even a desire to "just be" - all just IS, or ISN'T - either way it's ok - I can't say, it's the most exciting experience ever, but there is a quality to this state that I appreciate deep within. I could try and describe it and pull myself outside of it to look at it closer - yes, I could do that... It would be comparable to a state of serenity, of non-identity really, nothing matters, no fear, no worries, no special needs, no nag within about "you ought to..." It is a quiet sort of state, no voices in my head, no burning love and flames in my heart, no passion, nothing... I see that I can perhaps come close by describing what this state is NOT - There are probably no words to describe what the state is, for the state in and of itself apppears to be NOT....

blessings
Crystal one to ONE