I have much to release much to feel. I feel pressure from the inside, from the outside. I have been honored and graced with the radiance of light. everytime the great voice heas spoken i have stopped what i was doing and listened. in the times of my journey i went into some of the darkest of corners. I sat within the shadows of many many lost souls. i held their hands in the greatest of moments of despair. sometimes the release in which their souls are comanding out their time of growth has been powerful. and the people closet to their hearts couldnt stand strong as the rock in which they needed. their massive density in which they have collected through out their journey was indeed being summoned to release. their energy became crazy and no one could stand near them without their insecurities surfacing. without taking their grand release to heart. in those moments some how or another i stood their with them. i channeled love and forgiveness to them. I took that energy that they couldnt hide inside themselves and loved in spite of themselves. I did the same thing in my drinking venge. every job, every place i have been through my journey i held someones hand and fed their heart with all of my energy. sometimes ive been so depleated and on the verge of taking an exit out. always in t hose moments someone beautiful comes before me. who feels my energy and feeds my heart. in those times when a gentle enrgys comes before me for a grand release. im so scared. i feel like that lost little girl so many years prior. and these gentle energies who apear before me seem to always be strong enough to take that denser energy and help me see. they allow me to speak freely and in those moments not a judgmental enrgy flows through them. not even when i feels and speak crazy energies. they just smile and their eyes sparkle for me to flow. they never tell me how to feel or what to do they just embrace me inspit of myself. in that process i fully see and hear myself through all the chaotic noise. i always remember my inner world in which i visted always as a child, i continued visting in my teenage years, and it helpe me through my twenties. now my inner world is beckoning me for my return here in the begining of my thirtys.
I have always seen and been aware. i have always spoken from my heart. i have fed everyone my pruity, my innosence. I have always known that i am gift walking on this realm. When others have done me wrong along this very journey. my heart ached. becasue i knew one day they would finally see who i am. and they would hurt so deeply. i knew some would continue to deny my energy. i knew many would be scared of me and fear the love and light that i offered from our very core. Beings have spoken to me. through out these 31 years.. i will be 32 on christmas. I know that i can not hide within the darkness. i know that my time to fully embrace who i am, the gift in which i am here to give. the voice, the heart of our natural kingdom. here walking into the darkness. to breathe light to my many many loved ones.
Im right there always in the nic of time. to feed one of my many aspects of my self, my unconditional love.
I feel pressure every time a fellow soul looks into my eyes, i feel their hunger. their hunger for me to push through these density. i feel my fear to step through. to finally find the courage to speak what has been spoke to me since i entered the density.
I hated school, i hated the way they taught. i despised they way the clung to these titles. the way if you couldnt really comprehend their teaching technique. in then they picked on on the very ones who were trying to teach them a diffrent way. a way from the heart. the unique ability to be one. i played with my powers and abilities as a little one. i through myself into their eyes. the way they percieved the world. i enjoyed that ability. to be able to truly feel and see what the other was trying to communicate. i always understood all the way to the pain in their heart. cuz i was honored enough to feel that pain with them. as i grew older i learned that the world was blind. everyone were robots. people dont pay attention to the little things. they chasing something. i chased their illiusions with them. then i brought to my world. to nature everything that is real. if you were rich i showed you poverty. if you lacked security in your beauty i showed you beauty. i gave my whole self to each of you. in that moment in which we shared i was there all of me. and so were you. all of you.
i spent a lot of time with the homeless. i myself chose to live in my car, rather than here my mom tell me i was a walking sin to god. being gay and all.
Every person i meet i always have the perfct story about myself for them to themselves. but through that process though i would get frustrated becasue soem didnt see. i would try over and ever again. yet the gift in that was some cant learn from me. someone else will apear when they are ready.
Here i am again pulling the tower card. everything as i know it be shown to me in a new light. a light of understaning. a light i which i have always known yet. have refused to really see.
The time for me to let go of my cover and truly shine for all to see.
The goddess in me wants me to communicate my inner world to this outer world. yet i cant seem to find the words in which to translate what has always been sent to me. every now and then these great shifts of energy happen and i speak. when a stranger approaches me. they speak i speak next thing you know im feeding their heart. and they crying. then they stare deep into my eyes. and thank me. some have went to the ground and hugged me and have said the world is truly changing the chosen one is here feeding my hunger.
In those times which happen all the fucking time anymore.... I feel so wierd this energy is vibrating so high... i feel like im on ectasy, or a high meditation... yet im not im telling these beautiful children of the most radiate one... stand for we are equals..its so wierd.. sometimes im not me.. im so strong and beautiful and i feel myself lift these people...
yet my own family cant feel me. very confusing. i know i must let them go.. i know that my light has become very blinding to others. including my own self. Im scared as to how powerful i truly am.... i scared becasue i come with something so grand....but im not sure how to express it...