wow, im amazed i found a good topic to list this under.

i dont much blog, more comment, and chat here.. but lets try it.. i am needing some focus and
hopefully organization to this issue im handling.. so blog it...see what happens.

hm..i am of native american ancestory. meaning, raised and mostly white. so my interest in
the shammanic, native ways.. seems to be just what comes to me and ive done no real study,
or courses or regualar work in this area. however, the topic of my ancestors, and their issues
has come up very strongly, and especially since my mother passed to the other world(s).

people are giving me bits and peices, and well i have collected them over the years..
so recently i was told.. a couple in 1837-i think were murdered, and that my father was murdered
in a sence by seed planted long before. my father was white, however became ill when he put
a pipe on the wall for decoration, and the family went down from that time, financialy, and
my parents relationship, my mom became alcoholic... the family lines go down thru the mother,
and well.. her mom was born on a reservation.

this summer i was connecting to a grandmother... we know of her, name and story, 6 generations
back. she was married to a white soldier who basically left her to the east, and married again,
i dont know exactly personally what happened but bits and peices.. but gather she went in a sence
crazy. a medicine man told me.. her guardians to the spirit world, the gates were blasted open,
well im using my words.. not so percise but that her wounded ness, deep soul spirit wounds, would
be comming down in the generations finding it own weak spot in each soul. this woman, i was told
returned to the light, after a few months with me at a drumming cerimony. basically i let her mourn
the death of her daughter with me, andincouraged her to understand its ok what was.. and it was
all an experience in being.. where we all have done "less good things" and more . and that i loved
her and was willing to help her.

well we can go into, specifics, and some people say, they arent.. but the blocked energies is
passed down, so many ways to express things.. i just sorta mix it all.. trusting one belief works
and then when im working on another level.. that too is fine... this is so complicated the weaving
between ,generations, cultures, dialectics, beliefs, and methods.

so to continue.. sorry im not giving name specifics.. i guess i could.. but.. well guess its ok.

ive been given two symbols, by my daughter, sorta shammanic. ive been playing with them, but
never really created them in physical form, just drawing.. or say.. using seeds to temporarily
create the diagram. the first one is circles like the fruit of life, i think its called. but its
more complicated with extra parts, that mean something to me.. something about inviting spirit,
the great mystery into the places we meet, to harmonize the 6 different circles, around a center
circle having a void, and 7 new circles being created.. that first circle was given to me with
my name, white hawk.

the second symbol, i was given recently, for the healing of the family, with a sheild diagram
also. basically my daughter just drew these to help me. this symbol is for healing of the family,
i guess thru me.its a combination of a merkaba shape, sorta, with a hear sitting in the upper point,
and ... well complicated to explain, has to do with our dna, and mercy-grace, and balance.. and
the balanceing of two polarites of consciousness with a center consciousness.

maybe some time ill get it scanned..

now the thing about blogging, its funky going back to edit, and anyway i just edit with no clear
ability to make it better so im just going along expressing some of the peices.. of my confusion.

so recently i was handed a book, on healing the family tree. this book uses christian prayers,
and the writter definitely believes in the evil one. however there is many examples that illustrate,
and dance around my issue and topic. the whole book is about looking at the family tree, and praying
for (loving ild say) the passed over relations, healing currently sick, and many mental health cases.

well i didnt say yet, lots of mental illnesses in my family, and well probably many.. but..
and since my mom passed... many physical illnesses showing up. me, this spring, after my mom died
i was kicked twice by a beautiful horse, basically i didnt move, and even after the second kick had
no thought of moving, someone yelled at me to move. so.. spirit saying do something..that whole thing
was amazing, yes it hurt, but basically i was so in one with the horses, and understanding of the
situation happening then at the stables- as well as new to horses and their personal boundarys- and
just was too close when an upset horse moved... the thing is i was in pain, but blasting love, so clearly
not at all worried, or upset... i had some seizures, but.. walked away with nothing broken.

so, i guess i should care more about taking care of me. and doing.. whats needed to be done.

i was going to say more.. but i think ill take a rest.. and continue this later..

i havent quite woven it together, and mentioned my thoughts and concerns.. and well lots.. of stuff..

ill try to link them together.. relevent blogs. and
maybe,
maybe im blogging now.. wow..
love connie