I got the comfirmation just minutes ago. My cousin IS having an affair with his ex wife and it is now definate that he has left his current wife for his ex. I love him anyway. I am scared and a little sad but I also acknowledge that this is his path and it may hold magic for him that I am not aware of. But the main point in me mentioning this again is for me to acknowledge and affirm my inuitive and empathic nature, behold the gift that it is and remind myself of the responsibility that comes with it.

In my family, I am the changer, the system buster, the healer. Elephants are my friends because I have gotten to know them so well as they sit stinking up my living room. I work feverishly at knocking holes in the walls so that they can be liberated and go back to the jungle where they belong. My family members are uncomfortable with me doing this, tearing down the walls, they have lived with these elephants for so long that I sometimes feel they have come to believe they ARE the elephant and that I am trying to get rid of THEM! Meanwhile, the elephant crushes the furniture, creates smelly and dangerous waste and threatens to destroy them all. Most of the time they are content to sit in it and bring out fresh doilies and spray airfreshener so they can pretend that they are drowning in elephant shit and being crushed by the weight of it.

But I know THEY are not the elephant now. Maybe there was a time that I believed that they were. As I knock down walls, I have moments where I stop, exhausted and in pain and realize there is a door and all I need to do is walk out into my own light. After all, that elephant in the living room never killed me and in fact I enjoyed sharing peanuts with him on occasion, it brought me comfort when I could not find it. So I come to understand my family members and where they are at in their lives, have compasion, love and patience for them.

My cyst is still in my wrist. The pain is gone and I can move. I wonder if I just put down my mallet completely, my desperation to fix my family and whatever I perceive to be wrong with it, if the cyst will just dissolve. I feel as though I am coming closer to this everyday. My last emails with my cousin... I wanted to be mad and chastise him and mother him and tell him he was making a huge mistake but all I could feel was love for him and a deep need to understand how he was wired. I also needed for him to understand how I was wired and that was a challenging thing to do, describe it without judgement of him. He has his truth and I have mine and more than fixing everything and being right, I want us to be able to coexist and love one another despite our different paths.

And then there is my relationship with my husband which I see now reflects my own need to control back to me. As I moved forward in what I have needed to do to heal my wrist, he was not supportive because on his path eneregetic healing doesn't exist. He sees my life as a LW and healer as the elephant in the living room that needs removing! Wow see how that works out! In dealing with him this week I have had to process huge amounts of anger and I wonder if this is what my family goes through with me! I have had again to find balance and understanding, allowing him his truth while still honoring mine as best as I can to HEAL myself!

And ironically I have had to come to peace with two little elephants that belong to my daughters (their potty training issues). I decided to take the leap and get them out of pullups and into big girls pants) and though it has been going ok for the most part, I am still having to clean up poop literally (sorry if TMI). Maybe all of this comes down to the very simple bumper sticker that we all know and love - shit happens! And I am proposing a new bumber sticker for the times - Shifts Happen! Because I feel deeply within me that we are all slowly learning how to deal with the shit - elephant or otherwise. We are learning how to clean up our own and allowing others to go through and clean theirs and in the midst of it all realizing that elephants are beautiful and majestic creatures that deserve our awe. Namaste.

Jen