So, I was convinced to join Facebook by my sister-in-law, who said it is the only way she can keep in touch with me. I do not have a cell phone but I do have a house line and apparently she doesn't use land lines or something. I just don't want to be lonely anymore so I said fine and now she doesn't message me there anyway!lol The funny thing that happened is many people from my past are communicating with me and suddenly I feel sad and more lonely. I see their friendly back and forth bickering and play-date scheduling and I think wow I have no friends. I have been telling myself , "I don't need friends", for so long that I believed it. I have shielded myself from all hard feelings and bad memories for so long that I also excluded myself from everyone who has known me for many years. I find myself looking at the names of people who want to "friend" me on facebook and all I can think is, "really why would they like me"? Maybe I wasn't as despicable as I thought or maybe everyone feels this way and they got over it, like mentally healthy people. LW is the first social network I ever joined and I love it so much I thought maybe facebook would be similar, but instead it makes me sad. Did all the people I know stay in the same place, with the same friends, going to the same bars? Yes and their friendships make me wish I was like them. For the first time in my life I see the advantages of living in the place you grew up in. I left at 17 and came back 4 years ago, when I was 31, and I don't fit in anymore. I have moved and started over so many times I can't count, and we are planning to move in June again. Whats wrong with me that I can't have friends, I am very congenial and kind to everyone I meet, in fact I love people. My only friend lives across the country and we talk 2 times a week, but her life is exciting so we just talk about her. I don't mind that in the least, her life is so comical sometimes because she works with celebrities in Hollywood. Well, I guess I am just feeling lonely today and had to get my feelings out so I don't slip into depression accidently. So what can I do now, I want to meet up with these people but I am scared for some reason. I feel so beneath everyone and I'm afraid that I wont be able to "be me". I love the person I have become but I feel like no one else will. I might mention that I grew up in a monumentally affluent NJ area and I would be the only one not living in at least a half million dollar home and driving a very expensive car. I like not spending money on these thing until people start feeling bad for me. My own family thinks they have to lavish my children with expensive toys and clothing, just to fit in. I would love to tell them, "hey I could buy that I just think its a waste of money", but I never do. Sorry this went on so long I might be more wacky than I thought! thank you for your time. love maggie