Excerpts from a Dog's Diary.......8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...Day 983 of my captivity...My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. Theydine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash orsome sort of dry nuggets.Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I neverthelessmust eat something in order to keep up my strength.The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt todisgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. Ihad hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearlydemonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescendingcomments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placedin solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I couldhear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was dueto the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use itto my advantage.Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of mytormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try thisagain tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seemsto be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with theguards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captorshave arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.For now..................