Almost a year ago I posted a blog on this site, on the topic of stuttering and how it's impact on the ability to be a lightworker confused me. I cannot believe it's been almost a year since I write that now. I've really been around a while now I suppose and that's amazing to me. I went back over my old blogs the other day and when I found that particular blog, and read it, I understood just how much I have changed in a year. Amazing how just not even twelve short months ago, I was so unconfidant, full of what I saw to be dreams destined to go to waste, and so confused by what I saw as a physical characteristic that did not match up to my spiritual task. I remembered just how clearly I though that a stuttering lightworker was very clearly a universal planning error, and a big cosmic "oops." What use was it, I wondered, to be given a task that included the need to speak a certain truth, when one simply cannot speak even a coffee order very well.
After all this time however, as much as I never though back then that I'd ever say this, I get it now. I actually think I understand the sense in it all. I have begun to notice more so now, that people actually listen to me. It seemed odd to me at first, but for some reason stuttering, yet having a great willingness to speak to people is a trait that instead of putting people off, causes them to take time to listen. LOL some have said that think what I say is important, but I really I think I am just another person with my own brand of nonsense to say. I feel too that really I may have a mission here to teach others to do what they wish and if they cannot do so, to find a way to make it happen. I have learned so far, of just just how many opportunities there are to be had in the modern world for someone like myself, who fed up with a mainstream world who will not take a risk with me, can take fair advantage of public internet media to realize a dream of verbal creativity in a public forum.
I am just sitting and looking back tonight on my former self doubt and nieve confusion and I am still so surprised to find it all making a little more sense in my mind all the time. This was all, and still is, a lesson for me as well. That I now see very clearly. Can I, as I was meant to find out, see what others can do and do it myself in a less than ideal state, but just as well as them? can I see what the world have every expectation that I will not do and do it anyway, because I can, and because I want to do so. And the most important lesson of all and the question I much ask myself... can I ever reach a point where I see so clearly that I am different from others in a way that i will always be less efficient in the things I happen to enjoy doing, yet not care for that fact? When I really began to view life as this set of lessons within the last few months I came to understand how much better I am not doing in this should school called Earth. it is only in the last several months that I have really seen just how much i am able to do exactly what others can do if they wish to do them.