Hi to everyone!

It has been a while since I wrote, but alass, here I am again. I hope everyone is doing well, and if you aren't and need my help, I am ready to embrace you with all that I have - love, guidance, and hope.

Before I begin, there is one interesting question I have on gifts: Are they really "gifts" when everyone has the potential to develop any gift they so choose to want?
My first gift became known during this summer, when I met my current (and indigo) girlfriend. Just as I helped her reconnect with her spiritual side, so did she help me find more of my own.

This gift was the gift of energy transfer - and reading energy signatures. With it came a whole new door of oppertunity - from healing to comforting others.
The gift is what allows me to place love within this post - and for the more sensetive of you reading, I know you can tell that love exists within this entry, not just in the words, but also... at a more quantum level.

Of course, I can senda wide veriety of energy to people - sneezing, hickups, cough... I've tested it with several of them.

The opening of one door leads to sort of a flowering. I knew that I had two more gifts - to make three total.

The second one got activated a few months back, more like in August. At first I couldn't figure out what gift it was. When I tried using it on my girlfriend, I thought it more of some sort of... way of transferring thought, and images. But she would only feel a fuzzy image - a very faint static-like sign. By this time, me and her formed our connection - thus she was the easiest to work with in seeing what this really was.

I quickly left the gift alone, however, saying, "I'll just be patient, it's time will come when it has to."

A few days later I was very very depressed. I still am a lot, since my mother's words and actions have resulted in me being torn apart a lot and losing trust in myself, thus closing up from the world around me. No longer could my partner feel my aura ; or emotions I had. I was, sealed off.
But during this time, I felt a new experience. When I would be thinking of something - an event, an action, I would get a small flash - you could call it an intuitionary haunch - of what might possibly happen. This Friday, for instance, I was late to the bus (so I thought) and asked myself how long it will be until the bus comes, if at all.. I received, or rather knew, 20 seconds. I counted to 20 - and the bus came exactly at second 19.

Now, I've been in touch with my higher self for many times. I talk to my higher self quite a lot - of course not outloud, but in my mind as small conversations taking place. In fact recnetly in the last few months I developed a trust with this higher self - and in as a result, a trust with my own self, since we were one and equal. My higher self has told many things in the past before - but it always told me, "what you know not I cannot reveal, for you have to find it yourself."

So this gift is one which I have to discover. I think I might know the answer, but I may not. It is probable that this "intuitionary" gift could turn into ... channeling.

Now, I have been scared of channeling far too many times in my life. Hearing a voice in my head? How scarry is that! I always had a fear of just.. being talked to by some voice. I remember my ex-girlfriend could channel, in the form of automatic writing. And I'd ask, "what do you feel?" - to which she'd say, "I get a flash... It's like a flash behind my eyes.".
Now, I have the ability to not see. Which is a great ability. So I can't differenciate what "seeing" and "seeing behind my eyes" is. So I don't know if this and what my ex described is true. It could be, and it couldn't at the same time.
This again makes me question : Are gifts something we choose, or god-given, or what? If I want to turn this gift into channeling, can I? Or could I turn it into something else, - let's say seeing ghosts. Is it my choosing, or has all this already been determined?

These are very philosophical questions, but ones which I often ask myself. What do you think? If I were to become a channeler... How would they send me images? I can't recognize them. I haven't heard of any blind channelers, but cmon, I can't be the only one! :)

with lotsa lotsa lotsa LOTSA love and gratitude-
Tomi
or Zahaku