I am disappearing. Ceasing to exist. No longer present in a mind
that has always been present for me. I guess I knew this was
coming...Alzheimers doesn't pause or take sideroads, once it comes, it
just goes faster and faster...but I guess I thought I'd be better
prepared or something. For 62 years there has been this connection...this
bond...this sense of no matter what else happened, I always had my family.
Even if I fell, I wouldn't fall far before they caught me. Now my Dad
has forgotten me. He 'sorta' remembers he has a daughter in Australia, but
that's all that's left of me in his mind. I'm almost completely erased.

Ya know, this is a really odd place we are in right now. We have awakened to
the point where we actually have a pretty good handle on how things work. We
can see enough of the bigger picture to have a fair grasp on the ascension and
everything that's happening on our Planet. All that conscious awareness sorta
prevents you from feeling what we once considered 'normal' emotions. Well, that's
not exactly right...the emotions are there...I just can't attach to them enough
to really feel them. It's like no matter how wrong all this seems to my limited
3D mind/brain..my heart and spirit understand this exactly the RIGHT thing for
all involved...that we planned it...agreed to it.

I feel sorta trapped in this limbo...part of me wants to just kick and scream and cry
'not fair'. Part of me wants to wallow in sadness and grief...let the anger and sorrow
and frustration just come pouring out. Experience it fully so it can be transmuted back
into infinite possibility again. Doesn't seem to be working that way though. That's what
I meant about limbo...the 3D body wants to have all the 'old' reactions...the rest of me
sees things from a whole other perspective. In that perspective all is in accordance with
Divine Plan. But the body stills feels all those old triggers that are our emotions.
I'm probably not explaining this very well. I guess it's a bit like taking a shower in a
rain coat...or getting a shot of novacaine at the dentist. You know what's going on. You
are fully awake and aware, but part of you is numbed to sensations or something.

I did get to meet up with my Dad on one of the higher Ds. I was thinking it was 5D, but I'm
not too sure exactly where we were. During those experiences me and my Dad talked about the
roles we played in our 3D life together, how good we were at acting our parts. We remembered
that we loved each other so much more that we demonstrated in 3D. We went on all these wanderings
down memory lane together...like running those old 8mm movies we had back then. Looking at it
from wherever we were, it was perfectly clear to us both that we had done a very good job of
learning the lessons we planned for this incarnation together and there was a feeling of pride
and accomplishment. For about two weeks every time I went into meditation, there he was,
as if he had been waiting for me to arrive. Then he just wasn't there anymore.

I sorta wondered when I couldn't find him anymore if he had forgotten me with is 3D mind, but
I tend to be a bit like Scarlet O'Hara when things are difficult...I don't wanna know...I'll
think about it tomorrow. The last I heard from my Mom she said she was determined to keep him
at home, to get help if required...then yesterday she wrote again...and it seems he's failing
really fast now. I can't help but wonder if that started at the same time I stopped being able
to talk to him in the Ds.

Ya know, I'm tired of always feeling two selfed. I like the view from the higher Ds a whole lot
better than I like 3D. Sometimes I wish I'd just ascend on outta here...get it all over and done
with. Live in unity and harmony with All That Is 24/7. Not even need to experience this whole
two sided duality business at all. I guess the best I can do now is to hold myself in the frequency
of love and compassion, wrap my family in that energy and 'watch the show'. Trusting that
whatever does play out is in accordance with Divine Will...and our Sacred Contracts

I would like an opinion on something guys. I told my husband and son about seeing and talking
to my Dad in the Ds when it happened...I'm wondering if I should tell my Mom, or if might just upset
her. My husband and son are used to me and my 'strange' ways...they just accepted it without saying
much. I dunno how my Mom might feel about it. Whattya reckon?

yarra