Everything I am getting lately is so damn scientific. It leaves little room for imagination, faith, magic, or eternity.

I just keep being told about the brain and how it works. The patterns, the intricacies of connection. I actually came into this lifetime with a lot of this understanding already but I had to forget it in order to fit and in order to stop thinking about thinking. I decided to experience life instead of watching myself experience it. Maybe this is what everyone does.

Anyway, my answers are no longer coming in terms of spiritual matters. I am not being comforted by the knowledge that all this is for my ascension. Now I am just being loaded up with information on the brain and how it operates. I am not looking for this information, I prefer not to know it, but it comes none the less.

I have this strange feeling that if I sat in a silent room for a while I’d be able to break it down and diagram it like the astrologers took down the stars on their maps.

I see how we are programmed from the past through DNA. I see how there are various modes to choose from and each time a choice is made the choices get fewer, or it becomes more difficult to reach out to others.

I see how we work in patterns. How once we do something it is so easy to do it again. How faith, belief, and emotion are strengthened by this. I see how everything is here all at once but based upon the replaying patterns in our brains, which is an echo of DNA and memory among other things, we perceive only that which fits in with the pattern. Thus we create our own reality but in a seemingly very scientific way. (I prefer a more mysterious, fun way, magic).

Red, red, blue, green yellow. Repeat. Abandonment, abandonment, anger, rejection, sorrow. Repeat.

I see how we choose to filter out even that which we think we are seeking like happiness, harmony, or abundance because we are stuck in a pattern. Strife and suffering is strengthened by our ancestors who did the same, and by our religious faith, and by different saying and songs that reinforce them. If something doesn’t fit, like a new job for more money, a better education, a suitcase full of money- we’ll filter it out of our perception.

I see this easily in habits and addictions. I see it in replaying the roles of our parents and their parents and their parents. I see it in replaying childhood trauma. I see it in stupid little glitches and oopsies that occur multiple times because it has become a pattern. (Three days in a row I broke a glass. My car breaks at this time every year. All day I have been tripping over this thing.)

That which causes strong emotion forms a lasting pattern. Childhood fear. Abuse. Helplessness. Things that shake you to your core get etched in deep.

Patterns overlap other patterns making even more intricate designs. Like a song played by an orchestra, there are so many different parts overlapping, different instruments playing their own notes but forming one thing- your life.

Everything we do gets coded for future generations.

We can sit back and just let the song play, just ride note to note and feel every vibration of the percussion section as it intermingles with the brass and strings but we don’t. We struggle against it because some things just are not “right.” We try to veer off and break the patterns and then we wind up, often, in a new loop, stuck. We might be just in the trumpets now. Do, re mi, do re mi, do re mi… Or we might have tried to make up our own but we have no experience, no program for it, so we get lost- error.

I can see how to get out of it. I can see that certain activities stimulate different parts of the brain. Meditation and exercise are some. “Peak experiences,” when we finally get “good” emotion that is strong enough to overpower the negative stuff, that rewires us. Surrender works. The struggle ends then and we flow right into the original programming and we just ride waves. Just don’t try to deviate mid stream.

But knowing it all is really not much help. You can see all this and know it inside and out and still be looping through Do Re Mi Fa Sol La Ti Dooooooooo again and again. Knowing it is happeningmakes no difference. And now I feel like there are all these details flooding my mind about this. I have no desire to know them.

I suppose I better finish up this psychology degree already and put it to some use.

Either that or really lock myself up in a cave and just let it all pour out in codes and pictures, really get into it and express it all. Then bury it some place to be discovered later on by those equipped to make better sense out of it, when science and spirituality are merged.

Our senses and our brains are filters. There is absolutely every single thing, concept, feeling right here, right now. The fact that we seem to share a reality is because we share DNA and all filter accordingly. If there were a major shift in world religion or world order we’d be in a whole new world in a few generations and we’d be letting in other things that fit more in the pattern and blocking out those that no longer mesh. The brain has a filtering device and a hard drive that controls the body. Also stores data in case it needs to call on it to rewrite coding or strengthen current coding. But more than any of that, it seems to me now that it is a reality making machine. It takes in information, filters it, and then finds matches in order to repeat the same patterns. It’s always doing this. It’s doing it right now. It is searching for thigns to make “matches” to old things so that you can repeat your pattern again. If you are in the midst of reworking your life it is still doing it. If you decided instead of sad you are going to be happy and you have done it, well your brain is now looking for data to intake to recreate that over and over again. It does all this in a split second. By doing so, it controls what we experience, what we call “our life.”

We can easily rewire if we know what we are doing. It’s just a matter of repetition, connecting thought to strong emotion, and controlling the thoughts we have. Easier said than done but it can be done. I try. But overlapping with the positive is still the negative, the anxious, out of control (seemingly) thoughts and fears. They were programmed in during childhood and they get retriggered by similar circumstances and people. I’ve weaved a blanket for myself that is two toned. It’s intricate. One is so closely tied now to the other I think I have to erase both and start again.

I want to start getting visions of angels and souls again, of heavenly rooms bathed in golden light where secrets beyond the body and earth seep into my being. But for now it seems I am being taught about the brain. Sigh.