OK, since...well, I dunno since when...probably as long as man has had any degree of
consciousness awareness...we have been told that we ARE God. That God exists within us.
That all we need to do is remember that truth, and work toward finding that part of us
that IS God...our spark of divinity...our indwelling godforce.

Wisemen, Messiahs, Prophets, and very wise human beings, have been telling us this for...well,
literally ages. We heard it with our ears. Our eyes read the words. Our programming was
informed...and that was it. Informaion recorded...now on with 3D life on the material plane.

Now, right now, at this particular time in our evolution we CAN not only have that information,
we can experience it. We can now see that divinity within ourselves. We can now see the
vastness of all we are. We've been devoting our lives to this quest...now we are achieving
it. Why should it be hard?

I remember reading Shirley McLain's books in the eighties, she spoke then about knowing
she IS God...and thinking to myself what a wonderful way to see yourself, I wonder if I can
ever truly 'know' myself that way. Now I can...but I don't remember Shirley McLain, or anyone
else, mentioning how hard it is to get yourelf into that particular state of awareness...or
hold yourself there when you do. Is it just me? Am I missing something here? Does anyone
else feel like you're sorta tip toeing up on that knowing instead of jumping in boots and all?

I'm not sure I can explain it exactly, it's like I can pull myself fully into the neutral
observer awareness...be fully present as the observer...instead of having thoughts crashing around
the place...be fully focused. Once I am fully present in the neutral observer awareness I can
feel a whole buncha other stuff 'going on' right behind me or beside me. What's going on over
there is awareness of self as God/Universe. Wouldn't you think that would be a really amazing
awareness to wanna be in? Wouldn't you just hop on in, start exploring, and be really excited?
Hot Damn...I've made it! Yippeee!

Well, it doesn't seem to work that way for me. I find it all a bit overwhelming. I short out or
something...get weird electric shocks in my feet and legs...the picture gets too big for me to
get my head around, and I gotta drop out. Why is that? Does it happen for everyone that way?
The only thing I can think of that would hold me back from truly experiencing my authentic self
would have to be fear...but what the heck can I be afraid of? I mean this is the end goal. I've
made it home...why am I standing at the front door afraid to step in and fully 'be' there? I
mean that's the party right? The bliss and wonder and joy we have all been seeking...why don't I
just rush on in and experience it fully? I've surrendered until I'm blue in the face. I've held
myself in the frequency of unconditional love...I've been afloat with gratitude. What am I missing
here?

I've really dug deep to find the source of this fear...and I haven't...yet. To my logical mind it
seems totally irrational to spend a lifetime on a spiritual quest, then balk at the last minute
when you can see your goal in front of you. I reckon if I could pin down the source of this fear
I could just fly out into Universe and see it in a whole new...really comfortable...way.

Maybe it isn't actually fear at all? Maybe there's a physical upgrade taking place that cannot
be rushed? I dunno...I just find it completely amazing that I'm hesitating on the 'brink' of
accepting my authentic self...but I can never quite let go of whatever it is that holds me back.

Suggestions greatly appreciated.

yarra