This is MY (very abbreviated) story. But it could be the story of countless of people. See if any of this, or something similar, resonates in your background.

Regardless of our particular path, most of us - if not all - are taught that we need to reflect back on our life to find and clear out any forms which we may have created, either in this life or a past life, which are obstacles to our ascension. For me, I had so many hang ups for so long that for many years I refused to look in the mirror. Now that I do I find many interesting things. And what I find shows me how much I am responsible for so much of the negative energy currently in our world.

EARLY LIFE:

I was born in 1944, the son of a B24 navigator on duty in Italy during WWII. After the war, the majority of my young life was spent being raised in West Texas. At that time the Southern Baptists told the world that if you were not Southern Baptist, you were going to Hell. The Church of Christ in our community said that if you were not a member of their congregation, you were going to Hell. I was neither, I was Presbyterian. Guess that meant I was in "deep stuff."

The part of West Texas where I grew up was primarily cotton producing. There was a large influx of Mexican labor during cotton picking time. I was taught that I was "better" than those "wet backs" and I should not associate with them. Of course, I was also suppose to be better than the "Negroes" (as they were called then), but we did not have to worry about them. There were no Negroes in our part of town. The community was segregated and all the Negroes lived on the "other side of the tracks."

Once in junior high school, I wanted to date a Catholic girl. My father refused to let me because he did not want my life being run by the Pope in Rome.

My mother, at that time, firmly believed that there were different "classes" of people. We certainly were not upper class, but we were much "better" than all those Negroes, Wet Backs and Poor White Trash.

My father was a traveling salesman. He was gone three to four days of the week. When he was gone, I was free and happy. Whenever walking home from school and I would see his car in the driveway, I would have an immediate panic attack. My dad had a real mean streak. He could go off like a rocket without any warning. Whenever he was home, Mom and I were always on edge.

Well, being brought up by parents who thought they were better than some other folks; by a father with a mean streak; in a community of ultra conservative Southern Christians….. no wonder I was so screwed up most of my life.

Oh, and there was the Viet Nam thing. In my late teens early 20's I went from a Hawk to a Dove - from a "where can I enlist to go fight those Commies" to a "flower waving hippie." The last part, I was never a flower waving hippie, except in my own mind, but I wanted to be. But, certainly who I was to become was definitely influenced by the "peace" - "free love" era of the 60's.

ADULT YEARS:

Well, I could elaborate. But I bet you can figure it out. For many years, I was an arrogant, beer drinking, girl chasing, hell raising, partying rascal. My first wife and I managed to screw up a marriage and in the process I alienated two sons. (I did remarry to the lady who is currently my wife and best friend. That I did not screw that one up too is a miracle.) At the same time I adopted a "god is dead" attitude, and lived my life accordingly.

With all that said, I was a little smarter in my business life. I was fairly successful climbing the corporate latter and was able to retire at age 60, partially because of early retirement laws in the industry I was employed.

WAKE UP TIME:

Well, it's 2004 and I'm 60 years old. Now I have time to ponder the questions - "Who am I?" - "Why am I here?" - "Who or what is God?"

I went on a whirl wind reading campaign. I read everything from alien conspiracy theories; to books on the Gnostics; to angels and the spirit world; Dyer, Choppra & Walsch; Hinduism and Buddhism; anything New Age or metaphysics. Also anything relating to (very basic - layman geared) quantum physics What did I avoid? I avoided anything having to do with the organized Christian Church; small wonder with my background as a young person.

You know what I found? I found a kernel of truth in virtually everything I put my hands on. Virtually every thing I read led me to the "Creator." Everything I read was saying something similar about a "Creator," regardless of what the Supreme Being was called. To make this already long story shorter, I learned: to be grateful for all creation - all gifts; to forgive myself; to love myself. But before I learned to forgive myself, I had to forgive everyone I felt had ever wronged me, including my father who I hated for most of my life. I had to apologize to every person I have ever wronged, knowingly or unknowingly. Where possible I have done that in person or in a personal manner. Where not possible I have done it through Spirit - that is, I sent all those people an apology and love from my "heart center."

My life has changed totally. I (do my best to) love all creation. I can look back upon any period in my life with complete neutrality - it was neither good nor bad - it only was. Everything that happened in my life led me to where I am today and to where I am headed. After fighting the Jesus of the Christian Church, I have come to understand and accept the "Christ Consciousness."

I am virtually TOTALLY happy, in love with life, in love with all creation. I feel I have reached the point that I am no longer "part of the problem" but "part of the solution."

I do not know whether or not I am ready for ascension. But I do know, I AM, THAT I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN, THAT I ALWAYS WILL BE, AND THAT THE CREATOR IS PURE LOVE.

So for those of you who are old enough to know who Alfred E Newman is - my motto very well could be "What, Me Worry?" (grin)

Thank you for winding your way through a portion of my life.

I send you Love, Light, Peace & Joy

NAMASTE