These last few days have indeed been a very interesting experience for me (as I know they have been for you too.) I have been watching and reliving my own personal life review. Of course, from today looking back, this is a common theme when going thru a personal massive shift. How can you know where your going if you don't know what got you to here.
With that said, it has been like sitting in the center of a diamond and then it explodes all around you. Each fragment of the diamond showing itself to you in it's individuated fullness. For me, in this moment of time, of passage, the grande finale happened yesterday.
I remember begging to know the answer to my persistent question within meditation of "Who Am I." This, after the Blessed Mother gutted my entire belief system (sometime in 2001) as if gutting a fish. My spiritual teams only reply.... and it was always so constant "When the time is right, you will know."
In 2004, during a bathtub meditation of nothing in particular, God himself gave me the answer. I know it was God because the very rare times he would talk to me, his voice was always deep, masculine and raspy. He was kind enough to always talk outside of my body. I needed him then to be separate from me. An external lifeline to call upon.
I barely took my first breath to get into "meditation" when out in my living room in front of my computer... God spoke. He said a word I didn't understand at all... at least in relationship to me. Simply translated the word meant teacher. I wouldn't let him even utter a word in relationship to any of that until 2008... and even then, I filtered. Yes, we are so powerful we can filter God... since we are that anywayz!
It wasn't until this week... this internally life changing week, do I really get it. Boy do I get it. Funny how we humans are. Truthfully, it is easier not knowing at all. When you know, I mean in the depths of your heart you know... there's no more pretending you don't know. Dammit!
In that shift, comes tremendous responsibility. Of course, I have talked about this word for the last few months... a lot! Again, leaving myself those breadcrumbs leading back to mySelf. To the truth of what we are really doing now.
I cannot even pretend I don't know. I tried yesterday in the several readings I connected with (and rescheduled..again!). The first call I said the words... I don't know what is happening on earth... you might as well have run glass across my tongue. Lies, negative energy... feels like that to me these days. Even if it is my own.
The moment I knew... I cried from the depths of myself. Cried for easily a half hour... until I had to compose myself to do a reading. I cannot even tell you what kind of tears they were... not happy, not sad... but deep... Knowing.
You are going to find, the focus of my sharings will change, for I have changed. My focus of the last 11 years has been how to get out of our own hell and find the heaven within.
For those who have followed their own breadcrumbs to here... we will start the process of bringing our internal Heaven... that place deep inside of us that is Shambhala... to earth.
We are going to make The City of Light manifest. Not as a meditation... but a reality in created matter.
We have arrived! Shovels in hand...