compassion and love

Great love who reads these words.... I haven't read this site for more than 4 weeks. Everytime i open the pages im bombarded with so much information. Since the wesak full moon I have changed completely im totally scared all the time my sleep has become shallow I try to meditate and yes sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. All this started when I found out a friend was diagnoses HIV positive. I felt immense fear and sadness. I try to "rationalize" and accept that was his fate. These days reading spiritual text makes me worry instead of finding the safe recluse of "home". The universe or source or existence feels far away since im always in panic, I wish that i can wake up and feel god again. Lightworkers im considering not being be part of this site and that saddens me even more. I am overwhelmed with the amount of chanellings that we have here. I dont know where to go from here i felt that this was home. I hope that i can overcome this period. I will i know but I need help. Some how i dont know where to turn. Yes inwards but i need a guiding loving hand. I am calling for help hoping oneday i will send it back to someone who is like me now. I feel greatness and nothingness at the same time. Inside my heart i know that the greatness of whats to come is near, and this is the contradiction. This is the duality. Those are the channelings here that conflict and confuse. I wish you all the love and the light that my heart can send. I wish to get it back in form of support and wisdom. I send you my love that has been dimmed by my insecurities hoping that your love will light it brigther and brighter.
Rabie