Just confusing..

I have been watching a lot about this subject and a lot of it really rings true. The word Pleiadian resonates with me quite a lot although I don't know why. I've been watching a lot of Alex Collier's videos and I find this absolutely as truth. Even though all my life I have been praying to Jesus, although I stopped doing that several years ago and well I still find myself trying to end prayers every now and again with "in Jesus' name amen". I am confused about what to do, I don't have the first clue on how to really raise vibration. It's my understanding that if you're a smoker, and I am, that you can't raise vibration until you stop the smoking. Which is very hard. I do meditate and I can remember quite well in one of my meditations that I was lying on my bed and I distinctly heard a pleasant male voice with my own ears say "Well Hi there". It scared me so I opened my eyes and I didn't move one inch on my bed but my bed made noises like someone either got up from the bed or lied down next to me. I wasn't touched or anything. I know this may sound really crazy. I'm not crazy and have been sane all my life, minus I had severe depressions because I had a horrible abusive childhood, though that should have no bearing on what's taking place now. I have tried astral travel and I can't remember if I've done it not. So I'm going with that I haven't. Although sometimes when I lie down at night I get a pulling feeling and it feels like my entire body is heavy and that everything has stopped, ie breathing, heartbeat, everything. So that too scares me and I open my eyes. I don't know if the fear is preventing me from going all the way or what. I think it's the fear of death. I have always had a strong fear of death and I don't know why. I don't know where that comes from. Although my inner thoughts is that it comes from my upbringing that when one dies that is it and nothing else. YOu either go to heaven or hell. Though now I don't believe in a hell but only heaven.

I just find it all confusing. I'd hate to be left behind somewhere else because I failed to make the appropiate ascension. I want to ascend too. As well as I'd like my children to be able to ascend. These are what seem to be scary times on Earth. So if anyone could explain to me on how to further myself I'd greatly appreciate it. Lots of love and light to you all, Kristina :)