Existential Angst

Unfortunately I tried to post what I had written, and somehow I pressed the wrong button and it vanished. The short of it is that I feel more alone than I've ever been before. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years about 2 weeks ago, and it was one of those situations where it hurt to stay and it hurt to leave (rough place to be in). Now it's like, ugh. All these angry and hurt feelings are surfacing at God for not being here in physical form like I wanted him to be. I've realized I never really craved human company; what I wanted was GOD. And I'm mad at being abandoned like I have, or at the very least, that's how I FEEL. So since I broke it off with this boy, I decided okay, time to build myself up and love myself. I've been supporting and nurturing myself which seems to be helping, but there's still something missing. I still feel more alone than I ever have in my life, and I am still angry and hurt that God and my angels aren't physical tangible beings I can touch and talk to and see. Urg! It's so frustrating! And interaction with people is even MORE annoying because people have imperfections unlike God. The reason I wanted others to be perfect was because I wanted others to be GOD and to feel and pick up on that slice of heaven (same with me). I crave that feeling of love and unity, not total separateness like I feel. Perhaps it's also the reason I get overall anxiety at times too. I am on medication but I still feel this way. I don't know what to do about these feelings. I wish I could just beat up a pillow or something! Though unfortunately, there isn't much I can really do about it. I don't know if any advice will help me on this one or if this is just something I have to go through. But oh man it's uncomfortable! And it makes me mad! And sad! I want Him I need Him and yet He is so very very far away it feels like! Ugh I am so mad about this I can barely stand it!