So firstly, the things I'm thankful for and blessed with.
I have two of the most wonderful children. They are the greatest gifts in my life.
I have a wonderful husband who I am learning to love more everyday.
I have a home.
I have friends.
I have a loving family.
I am truly, truly blessed.
Now for the one little thing that I'm struggling with. My husband got laid off a little over a month ago. I've had small moments where I've been worried, but I've very quickly turned those into moments of peace. Knowing that things are fine and that it's all in divine order. That there is a reason for all of this. But it's hard. I don't work. My kids are young and I am lucky enough to be with them. We had a big disappointment today - we had hoped that this one employer would hire my hubby (after 4 interviews), but they told us today that they are not hiring. I really thought that if he got this job, then that would have been the reason he got laid off in the first place. And we could say, "thank god you got laid off!" and laugh. So we got upset and then I started feeling fine about everything again. So I sort of spiraled downward right after that when he told me we'd have to let our babysitter go. Now, I have no problem not having a babysitter. She's comes for a few hours each week to help me out. The problem is that she's become such a dear friend to me, and she loves my kids so much. I've always said how blessed I am to have Christy in our lives. She's like part of the family. And I feel like I'm about to stab her in the heart. I've literally been crying for over an hour because of this. I'm going to have a whopping headache later. When I found out that we are going to have to let her go, I got raging mad at everything! I feel like something crappy happened to my husband and our family when he lost his job, and now I have to turn right around and do something crappy to someone I love. This feels so maddening and frustrating and I feel slightly like I'm losing control. I need a little perspective. I'm scared and pissed and upset and heartbroken.
I send out all my love to all of you.