You know your coven is getting old when...

 
●    The ritual feast is puréed.
●    Last Beltaine the coven decided it would be nice to go out to dinner to celebrate.
●    The last time you tried to do a spiral dance your oxygen feeds got tangled.
●    Viagra is kept in the coven supplies.
●    The maiden of the coven is a grandmother.
●    The ritual room is outfitted with defibrillators.
●    The coveners drive their RV's to Scottsdale for Mabon.
●    When you are at a festival you go to bed at sunset.
●    It takes the whole coven to move the cauldron.
●    The high priest still has a vendetta going against Richard Nixon.
●    You find yourself using your pendulum over the stock pages in the newspaper.
●    You tell an initiate that in your day you had to slog through 5' of snow uphill both ways when you did a Yule ritual.
●    You drop your teeth in the ritual cup.
●    At Samhain you see more of your coveners in the Wild Hunt than you do in circle.
●    You put your athame in the chalice during ritual but you can't remember why.
●    You hold an all night blow-out drum frenzy and none of your neighbors noticed.
●    You use Glenn Miller records for trance music.
●    All of your ritual robes are tie-dyed.
●    Your coven has a 401(k) retirement plan.
●    A nitro pill vial replaces the crystal on your pendant.
●    No one's successfully jumped the Beltaine fire since 1983.
●    You set comfy chairs around the circle.
●    When you sit on the floor and can't get up again.
●    You do anointings with Aspercreme.
●    The oak tree your coven planted died of old age.
●    You use Bran Muffins and Prune Juice for Cakes & Ale because you need the fiber.
●    You don't use salt to consecrate you altar because you need to stay away from extra sodium.
●    You use a walker during the Wild Hunt.
●    You prefer to rent a Hall for rituals because the bathrooms are closer.
●    You need a flashlight to find the candles.
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