This shift started for my partner and I in May 2005. We started getting symptoms then. I went from living a nice life in Vancouver, Canada stocktrading and making good money to having my financial situation deteriorate once the symptoms began. Not only has our financial situation gone in the toilet but also the symptoms have never let up. Some of them have gone away. Some have gotten worse and some are the same. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels always trying to get work or trying to get money in and it's a never ending situation. Not only that we can barely get out of bed everyday with the exhaustion we feel constantly. You know money has been so tight that I've eaten less for months. My weight has dropped 60 lbs already and I keep dropping. I walk about 1 hour 20 minutes a day to keep active but Sunday will be my last day walking 'cause I can't afford to burn the calories anymore. Same with my morning situps/pushups and other stuff. I force myself to do it for my body but I can't afford to burn the extra calories. I've come onto forums and chatted with people and everyone acts like they know what's going on. I really don't have a clue what's going on anymore. I can see certain things. The symptoms give us the ability to see things more than otherwise but for the rest everything else sucks since going through this. I'm sick of having my symptoms and poor financial situation rule my life. I'm sick of a world full of greedy humans with no integrity. I'm sick of hearing myself even talking about my situation or asking people for money or moaning about these symptoms. I feel freakin powerless over this stuff. I never asked for these symptoms. They just started one day for both of us. We share the exact same symptoms but I won't get into them again because I'm sick of talking about them. But I didn't ask for this stupid shift and for my financial life to go down the toilet. So today I started thinking about it. Almost 4 1/2 years going through struggles. I've lived in 50 residences, 10 cities and 3 countries in those 4 1/2 years. I've done lots of work in exchange for free housing...I've had jobs though for some reason they're often "pulled away from me". I've gone from being a fluffy "love and light" new ager the first couple years to just being not sure of anything and fed up nowadays. I seriously wish there would be an end to this but no matter what I do there never seems to be an end to it. Our friend in Sarasota who is the biggest new ager there is...always did courses and practices mantras, meditation..always positive and always giving to people....well now they had a party for her with donations because she is almost homeless. Our positive friend who would be crowned "ms new ager of the planet" is having her life fall apart just like we had starting 4 1/2 years ago. She looked at us and it scared her. We've been homeless twice and we never seem to be able to bring in enough to eat. I've got shoes from 2006 that I'm still wearing same as my partner. We bought them at Payless shoes. I broke my glasses in 2006 also and I have yet to have money to replace it. Not only that we're living with people again in exchange for helping around the house. We get free housing and internet only from the deal but I'm completely fed up with living in these situations. I was just talking to my partner about how we're gonna eat the next few weeks and I just told him "f&&k it I give up!". I've decided no more responding to job ads. I've decided no more asking people for money. I've decided the hell with it all. 4 1/2 years is long enough for this shift. I'm exhausted and need a break from this world.

Sorry I'm not love and light but I've never been so fed up as now. I'm spinning my wheels and have no where to turn. Just feeling like I'm in quicksand and I'm always just keeping my head from sinking below. But there comes a time when you've got to call it quits...you know...how much can a person take? I don't have it in me anymore...