AN ANGEL TESTAMENT

To whom it may interest :

Reflections of an angel that became a human being

Today is a very sad day and at the same time a day of joy , i was an angel , i lived in the brilliant and lovely light , all compassion , infinite gratitude , total peace and tranquility without measure , no time nor space , absolute eternity , absolute consciousness , for a reason that i now as a human being i am not allowed to remember , i am here in this time and space called the universe , more exactly on a planet called earth . I came here to accomplish a mission , but without any memorandum nor a instructions attached , having to discover with my own consciousness ( decreased to a miserable fraction called brain and body ) , which is my purpose in this life .
I have seen as a glimpse of the omnipresent light , of total love , i have a yearning of that moment in which i was conducted close to the Supreme Being . There is no day in which i do not want to go back there , it is my home .
Today i cry .... because i was careless in my services ... i cheated ... and was cheated ... i try to see in every human being his divine light ... and i failed ... what most matters in this world is what you can see , touch , feel , smell .... despite the matter ... i desire the immaterial ... i am being laughable ... i am tired to be compared with other human beings ... i envy ( greatly ) of those that have gone from this world ... i did not become what i wanted to become ... i envy the great masters ... and i am wasting my words that are falling in the dust ... one day i will see myself face to face , looking backwards , everything i did wrong with my life ... i am not a millionaire so that i would and could help everyone that need it ... i need money to survive here on earth ... so many persons think that i am abnormal ... i cannot not live here without hurting someone else ... but i am being hurt hardly ... i have a lot of knowledge , gifts and abilities that have no practical meaning here ... i have to stay with my mouth shut and the loneliness pervades every cell of my body ... i try to remember the time i was an angel ... but i live in a world where the angels are not welcome !!!
They say i am a daydreamer , that i live with my head in the moon ... i live in two dimensions simultaneously ... this one here and in the other one side ... because of that i suffer of insomnia ... it is very painful ... i am scared of the known ... i am scare of human beings ... i am scare to live ... because to live means to be good and to be bad ... the more i try to be good i do the bad ... i am misunderstood ... but i understand all the human beings that live here on earth and that brings me endless suffering ... i cannot help everyone that ask me for help ... i want to love without boundaries and without end ... but this also is not allowed to me here ... ( from where i came from it is ) ... if i one day was enlightened i became what i was truly ... an angel ... although with my little human consciousness i thought i had met the Supreme Being , today i do not more pretend it , for only moments on this world i became what i really am , love , light , compassion , tranquility and infinite peace ... ( which i try to maintain in the actual state i am , body and mind , but i cannot ) , i judge but i try every minute to not judge , but i fail ... guilty i am of the evil i did to other persons , consciously or unconsciously ... i beg for forgiveness to all !!! and i know that forgiveness alone will not be enough ... because there are people that will understand my sincerity in my petition and there will be a lot that will not even try to understand my petition ... i love every human being and that is the cause of all the suffering i did ... how can i love without hurting anyone ? ... how can i be of any utility without hurting anyone ? ... how can i live without hurting anyone ? ... I am in a big cross-road ... I loudly cry for help to the Supreme Being , even if nobody hears me , i loudly cry mostly in the silence ... is that my destiny ?

longing ... longing ... longing for who i was before ... become again an angel ... there will be a lot that will not believe me ... i do not care anymore ...