On Talent, Modesty and issues of the Ego

I just read a blog on the issue of talent, which I incidentallly initiated. I'll add a few of my thoughts and questions here since they touch a bit upon my previous blog. I feel that I didn't cover the topic in a satisfactory way and so I feel a need to write a bit more on related issues in the hope of gradually finding answers. It seems that working hard to achieve something is more conducive to good results than just simple talent. I think this is more or less how I've viewed the topic myself. However, there is a difference between being a concert pianist and being a simple pianist. There's a difference between making art and making art that matters or at least is meaningful in some deeper sense that touches other people. I am limiting myself to the arts here as that is all I know anything about. All in all this is a subject that requires some research, but I'll jot down some thoughts anyway.

My question is thus whether someone who doesn't seem to display talent can become good, or very good, at something (especially relating to the arts)? In my own case, it's obvious that I had talent and though this was mentally supported, I never became as good an artist as I might have if I had had more ambition. I felt a certain vocation or passion about what I was doing, so it's ok - I have put my points across through my art and writing. But without talent and encouragment I would have achieved nothing at all even if I had practised. Now of course you might ask, talent to do what exactly? Well, first I had to have a good eye in order to deal with pictures. But then I also had to find my own niche, the thing that I am “better” at than most people. This was a certain form of talent too (in my case, a talent for expressing esoteric ideas through symbols). Combined they helped me produce something of a certain validity in the world we live in right now. I have worked hard, but I could have worked harder if I had been more ambitious. And ambition (contrary to passion and vocation) seems to me to have something to do with a need to assert the self.

As I am going to the US soon to either stay there for a long time or to move over there for good, things that Europeans think about the Americans have naturally crossed my mind a few times… I have not meant to be judgmental, only state a few generalizations that might help understand some phenomena in the world. I can see that my journey is a kind of pilgrimage to a country that has a opposite view on self-assertion than my own country has. Again, I'm caught in a strange dialectic process of trying to find the middlepath between two opposites.

Regarding self-assertion, there seem to be some tendencies that are more prevalent in the US than in other countries. Namely, that by pretending to be something you want to become, you can achieve it (“fake it until you make it”). Being optimistic about your future is the way of changing it. Obviously, the whole movement of creating a better future for yourself through affirmations and positive thinking stems from “the Land where Dreams May Come True”! It is not that Europeans disagree, on the contrary. But I can imagine that our more cynical way of being may be in the way sometimes. As for myself, there is an obvious discord between a need to be modest in the true sense of the world (no false modesty here!) and becoming a go-getter. In reality things are not quite so simple, of course. I am not a dark and 100% depressed or negative person. I am also not lazy or a fan of the mediocre. I do believe we should find out what we love to do and work hard to achieve it. But I'm just scared to lose a sense of realism about what I can do. I don't want to try and sore high in the sky when I simply don't have wings strong enough to bear me. Not only do I not want to be disappointed and go through more hardships than necessary, but I also don't want to be unreal and inflate my ego so that it becomes another obstacle on my path to true spirituality.

So… while we need to have confidence in ourselves, we probably also should try and foster a real sense of self. I mean that knowing who we are in the deepest sense encompasses a knowledge of our capabilites as well as an insight regarding our limitations. I have had to deal with limitations all my life so this is an obvious theme in my life. Maybe this is something not so many can relate to though. Usually people need to realize that they are way more powerful than they think they are. I believe that in my case a lesson of learning has been to accept that I cannot be as powerful in this life as I imagine that I could be in a different one, or in a different dimenison.

I have been projecting a lot of my insecurities onto other people lately. I realize that I have a fear of being close to someone that starts to envy me or resent me after a while. Thus I try to understate my own achievements just a little more than necessary. But there's a limit to how much I can understate them, since I also have a need to feel proud and dignified over them… I thus also tend to demand from others that they have a sense of realism in regards to their achievements. Maybe I'm trying to make sure that they don't start hacking on me due to a false sense of self-esteem. You know how people may admire you at first but if they have a deep lack of self-confidence they will soon project their envy on you.

My simple question is, is it a good thing to think only "high" thoughts about yourself and others? Is a society that fosters a spirit of competiion and applauds all obvious and generally valued achievements of the individuals a good thing? How about the individuals who don't fit into the spirit of mainstream achievements? And how about all those, who think too highly of themselves and never come to terms with the realities of their gifts or lack thereof (as is usually the case, I guess)? How can people avoid thinking the wrong things about themselves and avoid asserting non-existant gifts (while they may have gifts in other areas, but remain undetected from lack of support and insight?) And lastly, do we not also gain from some “negative” criticism or feedback that helps burst illusions? I mean that in the best case scenario, the criticism is kind, loving and well expressed, but this can't always be the case in the world that we live in today. Sometimes when confronted with negative things we have greater realization regarding the positive ones. I know this is maybe not the ideal way, but surely there is good to be found also in resistance and difficult encounters?

Is applauding everyone's achievements a good way of going about life? Can it enchance a false sense of ego? Can it foster a lack of realism? Or does it make people happier and more prolific? What happens in relation to the environment?

I realize this is a vast subject and that I've only touched upon some of the issues. I apologize if it all seems muddled. I can see that I am mixing issues of common psychology with the more esoteric concepts of ego and the process of losing it. Of course it's no wonder that I am preoccupied with the actions of the smaller self as I am hoping to find my way out of its grips and heal its distorted aspects. But I hope there are some thoughtprovoking ideas here nonetheless… I will continue to think about all this. Namaste!