Here we go...Just when you think you are done with cleaning, emotional blockages and stuff, it just hits you in the face, harder and harder. I feel I am disintegrating. Something and someone from the past came to haunt me and, along with that, some messy primitive stuff, long forgotten feelings of loneliness, weakness and addiction. It took about two month to clear the air and it`s still tough, but I managed to integrate a little more of my shadow. The past, things that took years to unfold and heal are coming back now with a vengeance, but in fast mode, weeks, maybe months of reassessing and clearing. Then, another wave comes.
So, I managed to come out of the last episode of cleansing badly shaken, not knowing who I am now, feeling empty and ghostly. Nothing seems to make sense now and life seems like an old photo, no consistency, just scenery. And the speed of it...oh my Lord...Now I wake up and get out of bed, and now it`s evening already and again and again the same thing, like a roller coaster. The dreams are intense and heavy, full of detail, sometimes absurd, making me more dizzy than I already am. Before all this, at least I had my dream world, where I felt home. Now, even that world seems unfamiliar.
Oh, well...It`s part of the process, I am sure, I just hope I am not the only ghost out here..:)