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I keep dreaming of small children and people from my past. They appear as they were in my life, and I relate to them the exact same way. But then they become more dynamic, and they leave me. I call out to them, trying by whatever means to keep them there. I am terrified at the thought of loosing them. IN some of the dreams they change and morph into someone slightly new. They smile at me. Then they say also, they are leaving and they just walk away not listening to my cries of fear and terror at being abandoned.
I realize even while dreaming that the games I play in order to keep them from leaving are the same things I do to people in my waking life when I feel the need to please, which is seemingly almost every moment of the day now. It is overcoming me with feelings that I am not good enough by far, feelings that have dogged me always as far as I can remember. Like a smoldering ember really deep within me, making me do all sorts of goofy things and blurting out stuff that makes me feel silly. Like, why did I have to prove I am worthy of being here, I know I am doing this so much now. Probably always have only now it is in full view.
Today I dreamed of my cousin, who had a name she loved but was called by a nickname she didn't like at all by her parents and mine. To please them I always called her by her nickname too but in my dream I called her by her real name, yet still she announced she was leaving. I made up a new name for her, claiming that I knew through psychic vision this was the real her, which is something in my daily life that always does attract people's attention.
My ability to see in psychic ways have always allowed me entry and acceptance to groups of people but now this is not working. It is mostly because I have developed an aversion to solving other people's problems and keep feeling it is paramount to just deal with myself. But old habits do die hard. It could be that I am being blessed with a recurring dream in which it is easier to accomplish.