In bloom

In Bloom

When a teenage girl is in bloom she is at her prime.

The sunsets a little slower. And the white washed walls of her motel room are oh so much more nostalgic.

I had a love once named Thomas. Everything was great. I was performer just got of my last show, a little more friendship, love, drama, I was even thinner and I had finally become normal no more of my indigo and crystal showed within me. In my room were my friends Deja, Thomas, and Gilbert all danced all night long, cigarette smoke every where, making out with Scorpios with a deadly kiss and sharing smoke in-between mouths. Strobe lights where in every corner of the room and all we did was dance and sing. I didn’t even like the music, but it grew on me slowly like a boy named Thomas did. I never liked guys with muscles, or the way he dressed or looked. But I liked him a lot. All my life I did not have luck with Cancers and he was this feminine sign.
I have had a great time with him. But we never made it official. For Gilbert, a dark entity or a really dark physic tornado, destroyed my life and I had to build up from what I had let after all the night life was gone. I went back into myself. Stopped looking pretty and let myself go big time. I had a huge fight with Gilbert that destroyed my relationship with each and everyone of my friends that I took so long to build. I had always sensed evil around him, after we stopped performing. I was the one who built his popularity big time. Jonee, Maddy, Deja and Me were all soul mates along with Gilbert. We were super telepathic and finished each others sentences. I miss those days. For I feel I was screwed, always destined to become a ugly withdrawn healer. That had nothing good in life that all the other people talk about or do. I am like the witch now, the ugly hag. I had let myself go on so many levels and had frequent CUT OFF moments all last year. I think my step dad is a lizzy. Yeah I know, I’m just a teenager with a mean dad. But I watched how he tourcherd me, like me sister did almost everyday. I saw how he turned my mother to a drunk druggie dependant on his mind. And how he always made us fight and turn it around each other. How he demeaned me, didn’t care what I had to say. He controls her like a puppet and I see it. Even last night he tried(and convinced) my mom that he was having a bad time because of me. TWICE. He always says I don’t care for no one but myself . But he never says I love you. Does not care about my health. Does not respect me. A lizzy has taken him over, big time. Or he’s physiologically ef-ed in the mind, who loves to watch people die and show it to me, when I was little. My mom is clinically depressed and denies she is Bi-polar. And my sister who took out her anger at me because of my mom on her is far away enjoying rarely ever calling my mother or me. But she is the only one I have. The sister who I got in a fist fight with, and my white county grandmother defended her and torn her away. But I love her too. Karma is the biggest bitch you’ll ever have, I heard once. And it is true.
I used to think if people only knew what others have gone threw we would all be treated well.
At least I hope so. I have disease on top of diseases. And to be born and develop these in a family that has no money nor empathy, and I a crystal star kid, boy I have gone insane a few times. My step father is telepathic and controls what she says or he really got her around her thumb. And so far that is my life story. In Bloom.