I'm in a state of shock...

Whew, where to start. I have to say that I believe I'm still in a state of shock, but strangely detached. Hubby informed me today that he's not happy and hasn't been for quite some time. He is now on his way to stay at his mother's house (she is recuperating from a broken hip and is in an assisted living facility). After loading his car he came in and asked me if I wanted him to stay. We talked about it and I told him it would be a good idea to be apart for a while. I have agreed to go to a marriage counselor; something I have never wanted to do, any kind of therapist for that matter. I don't tend to open up to people about how I feel; but we can't just end almost 23 years together without making a try to see if we want to stay together.

I understand what he told me. We have basically lived like roomates since 1999. I've never been very affectionate, touchy feely with him, or anybody for that matter, past the first 2 or 3 years of a relationship. I grew up in a family that really didn't hug much and not the good bear type of hug ever. I married him because he treated me good, we liked to travel, etc. and I knew he would be a stabilizing factor in my life and a good father if we had children. I knew he would be a good provider. I loved him but not sure if I was ever in love with him.

He is quite a devout Catholic and he admitted just today that he really is uncomfortable around my Crystal Team and actually he's fearful of the spiritual path I am on...I never knew he felt that way. I know he thought I was "weird" but I didn't think it bothered him. He is not yet awake and my talk of ascension, working with energy grids, chemtrails and government world secret agendas bother him, he refuses to unplug from the matrix.

I think I always deep down knew this moment would come and I think a lot of it had to do with him staying for our daughter. Now that she is off off to college, he wants to feel happy and he certainly deserves that. We are like night and day he and I, he's night and I'm day...lol...even down to how we put the toilet paper on the holder. He wants to live in a condo on the beach and I want a mountain retreat. He told me his idea of a mountain retreat is a condo on a ski slope. We really never have been able to communicate well with one another and I would have to say that he is more emotional than I am.

So far I have managed to escape unscathed from the "symptoms of ascension", not much drama in my peace filled world and physical symptoms have been minor. 2008 is the year of new beginnings and perhaps he and I have reached that fork in the road where we decide to travel on together or go our separate ways. I know he will provide for me and we'll always be friends, perhaps even better friends that can actually talk to each other. I'm sure our daughter will be fine as really the only difference is that we will be living separately.

So, I sit here still in shock as I had no clue he felt like this. I guess since I've been happy, we didn't fight and he seemed o.k. that he was content with our life. I was quite floored to say the least. But we will go to therapy, at least for one session and while we are apart we can come to a decision. I think the only thing I am struggling with right now is the financial part. I know he'll give me alimony but I really don't want to have to work at some mundane office job that will take me away from my spiritual path. I haven't worked since 2001 and I have no credit really, since we got married. I've become very dependent on Dan that way. Guess I'll start buying lottery tickets...lol...

Well, I could use a spiritual pep talk from my Lightworking Family...I'm so glad I found so many like-minded folks. For a long time I felt different and alone in my thinking until I discovered the internet in 2000. Anyway, shock is starting to wear off and the tears are flowing, good cleanse at least.

Namaste,
RA'vn