Beastie Teaches Me Again. Guidance Comes In The Strangest Forms

AnIrishMystic's picture
Posted March 2nd, 2008 by AnIrishMystic
in

Beastie Teaches Me Again. Guidance Comes In The Strangest Forms...

So, I wake up in the wee hours, as I normally do every night, and begin to ponder my dreams and this "quest for enlightenment". So many things clearing out of my system yesterday and now, in the wee hours. Even as I ponder what these are, I feel them clear. Tonight, I am pondering physical feelings, rather than emotions, realizing that these are different, although connected. I sense more feelings clearing. I feel a block in the back above my heart. Don't even know what it is, it just popped up in all of my pondering. Feel the energy disolving and moving. Which way does it want to go. Up? Feel it move up into freedom. Clear all discordant energy and replace with divine love, light, and healing. Still more, a little bit off of the first block. This energy wants to move down. Feel it disolve and move down and into free flowing energy. The block and pain is gone.

Am I ready to give up my mind and merge with my higher self? I truly want to, but I wonder just what this entails. I know that at some level, it scares me that I might lose some part of myself. It is not myself. It is my mind, my ego, I remind myself. If they merge, I will still be here, but it will be my true self, my IAM presence. I Am that I Am.  I Am that I Am. I Am that I Am.I  Am that I Am. I Am that I Am. I Am that I Am. I Am that I Am. I Am that I Am. I Am that I Am. I Am that I Am. More clearing sensations. How can I understand what this means, this enlightenment? How do I know if I am ready? They say that it is always NOW, so it can be at any time, right? It is never tomorrow I will become enlightened. It is NOW that I REMEMBER who I am.

I think about Dear One and what a hard time he is going through, my Dear Friend. Help him to heal, I ask. Show him how important he is, how worthy, how deserving. Show him how incredibly loved and cherished he is. More clearing sensations. My own wounded soul is responding to my request for my friend. Yes, I need to be more loving to myself and forgive myself for all my perceived flaws.  I ask Saint Germain for the silver violet flame of grace and transmutation to clear out all feelings of unworthiness, undeserving, self judgement, all need to be perfect, all need to be right. Replace all with divine love, light, and healing, and feelings of abundant self love. Perfect? I am far from perfect by 3D standard, but it feels right. Yes, all need to be perfect. Need to be right? Yes, I have been struggling with this one. I don't mind admitting when I am wrong, but I have a morbid fear of making a mistake that would harm somebody, mentally, emotionally, or physically. Yes, making a mistake equals DEATH for me. Clear all fear of being wrong.  More clearing.

How do I know I am doing this right? Does any of this even work? Are all these feelings of clearing that I have been feeling, all these long months, just in my head? Or am I just lost in my imagination, speaking to nobody and getting nowhere, wasting my time, ready for the nearest insane asylum? Then all the changes that have been happening begin to flood into my awareness and I know, yes, this is real. How can I understand this enlightenment thing, how to open to it, what to do?  Read a book, take a class, read channelings, practice various healing techniques, breathe, activate. Is this the answer? Maybe it is over here! Ooohhhh, that looks promising! I keep chasing it, like a dog chasing it's tail, but still, it eludes me.

What do I need to understand about this????? Please, I need to understand. It is the driving force for me. I have to understand! 

Then, my cat, Beastie, who has been quietly sitting on my hip, all this time as I lay in bed talking to myself, she stirs. I reach down to pet her, to soothe. My hand falls on some unknown part of her body. I can't quite tell what it is. Is it her midriff, or her chest? I move my hand up a little. No, it is not her chest. I move my hand back down and to the left. Ahhh, yesss, there is her tail. It was her right rear leg, I felt. Just then, I think, what if I did not know this was a cat? What if I never felt a cat, did not even know what a cat looked like? A very profound sense of serenity overcomes, something I cannot remember EVER feeling in this lifetime.

I have my answer! Until I have seen an entire cat, I could not possibly know what this was, this right hind leg. It could be anything at all, this furry apendage. It is only one part of a very complex and beautiful being. It is kind of like "the 6 blind men and the elephant". Each senses something different, depending on what they feel as they touch various parts of the elephant, but all are wrong. There is NO NEED for me to understand this NOW. It is perfect, the experience, just as it is. When, in the NOW, I do merge my mind, with my high self, I WILL know, I will see the whole and understand this small part of the NOW. What a wonderful sense of peace I feel. This energy of the driving force to understand, that has blocked so much, is moving freely now and I am at peace in the NOW.

Love and Peace,
Erin