I Am Out of Love - Help Wanted

Things have gotten quite bad. Not for me specifically, but for those close to me, which in turn affects me greatly. Even though there have been many positive changes within my life in the last little while, things have come up that I have known little about before that I now know more of. So you can get a 'feel' of what I'm going through, I will summarize what has happened.

The turmoil concerns my father; a man whom I have great love and respect for. I have always wanted to be like him in some way, though I've always known that he was never the most positve or even honest man. Lately, I have learned and witnessed more about his ways of being than I had ever would have in the past. I have come to resent him and even care less about him (I know this is my ego talking), because I am seeing how he treats himself and those around him. For the most part, especially when I first noticed these things about him, I had forgiven him. Now, it is harder for me to do so. I know that, in time, I will come to terms with all of this and learn from this in a positive way.

The reason I am litterally pouring my heart into this blog is because I need some help. I do not wish for guidance or advice, because I feel I need to figure this outon my own. I simply don't have the energy in my being right now to really solve these problems surrounding my father and within myself. I humbly ask for anyone out there to, please, send me some loving energy. With that, I believe I could become clearer with what it is I need to do within my self. I do not like asking for help like this, because my guilt says to me that I am not taking responsibility of the situation, even if I am just asking for help to raise my energy so I may become more aware and not guidance from an outside source. Nevertheless, I ask for anyone to please help in this way.

I thank you all for your consideration, though at this moment I feel that I cannot send any of you love or light.

~ Akaeus ~