Dreams of Past Lives

This is mostly for me, but here for anyone who cares to read.

In 1994, I lived in Anacortes, Washington. My husband and I were just getting the last of our things packed up for our big move to Colorado. It is late July or Early August, and just a few days before we were to leave, I fall asleep on the sofa in the living room and have a dream...

In my dream I am in a hallway of a very elegant old house. On each side of the hall are doors. As I open each door, I see things. One door has a little boy who is alone and kind of sad, like depression. His father does not pay attention to him. I am aware that I am his stepmother and no longer married to his father. I have tried to love him the best I could when I was there, but it was not enough, I think. I decide that I will do what I can to bring him happiness and close the door.

Another door, on the right, has a clawfoot bathtub inside, filled with bubble bath. 2 of my old boyfriends are in the tub. I think I am in the tub with them, too. Everyone gets along(which was not the case in real life). 

There is another door on the right. When I open this, I am on what seems like an elegant train car, from long ago. As I walk down the car, there is a man sitting on the left. A very dark haired man who resembles Al Pacino in many ways. The Pacino of the "Devil's Advocate" movie. I am aware that he is some kind of angel. He looks up at me and says "You KNOW what  you have to do". I am not sure what he means and I think of a friend that I have had a falling out with, and think that he might mean her. I say "make ammends", but inside I feel that it is not about my friend, somehow, that I have not done anything wrong. It is so ominous, what he said to me. I "know what to do", but I am not sure what he means.

So, I am back in the hallway. At the end of this hall of doors, stands a larger door, facing me. It is different than all the other doors. As I go in, I am aware of a time period that spanned many years. It seems to go from the late 1880's to about 1930. I am aware that I was mixed race, of black and white. I was a beautiful singer, with a BEAUTIFUL voice, similar to Julie in the movie "Showboat". (In my present life, I do not have a talent for singing and have always sad that I cannot sing well). In this dream, I am a wonderful singer, but I have a drinking problem. The drinking problem becomes so great that my voice is ruined. All of this, I become aware of, as I pass through this door. Now, I am dressed in a floral dress and floppy hat, with the front pinned up, very similar to what ladies were wearing in the early 1930's. I am going to an audition. A singing audition. I am about 40 and my beautiful voice is gone, but I can still sing. I am painfully aware that I am not dressed well, I look not so great, but I need this job. I walk over to the piano player and tell him I have no sheet music with me. He says "that's OK, I have ALL your music HERE. As he says this, he opens the seat of the piano bench and inside are ALL of my songs. He is a fan of mine and he begins to play my song and I sing.

I wake up, in soulful agony. The pain is too much to bear. I cry and cry, and my husband wakes up and comes into the living room to find out what is the matter. I tell him about my dream and I say "this is a past life" I WAS her. It was so horrible and sad, but it was sooooo real. My husband says it was just a dream and to relax. I just keep crying, HUGE sobs, it feels soooo sad inside. My husband sat down and just held me. I cried for at least 2 hours more, before I could go back to sleep. I have never, in this life, cried that long about anything. It was so real, this dream.

I told my mother about it the next time we spoke and she said, it was probably "Showboat", dismissing it. The funny thing is I do recall music from Showboat coming from my neighbors apartment, when I woke up. Still, I KNEW inside that this was not about the movie, it was just similar in a way.

I told my sister about the dream and she says it is probably just stress about the move. I tell her, I think part of the dream was to tell me not to get so stressed, that I have some blowout with my husband just because we are wigging out over this big move(the 2 boyfriends). Still, I tell her that the piano player called me by name (which I cannot remember now) and that I was going to try to find out if this woman existed (I never did).

2 years later, I have my new home(built in 1914) in Wisconsin and my grandparents drive all the way from California, to visit. Grandpa is a mason and Grandma believes in astrology, so I know they are open to different ideas. We are sitting at my dining room table and somehow the conversation comes around to "the dream". I ask them if they believe in reincarnation and they both say "yes". So, I tell them I have dreamed of a past life and recount my dream. Again, all of those feelings begin to come up and I start crying as I come to the end of my dream. He had all my music.... and I could sing! .... it was just too sad. My Grandma eyes begin to tear up, too. She is easy to cry and it is so sad.

They liked my dream, I think. I hope you do, too. I cried again, as I wrote it. I still don't know the meaning, but all is perfect and reminders of the dream will keep coming around until I understand. I still have a dream from when I was about 7, I have yet to figure out(or not), lol. Maybe I got what I was supposed to get, and the rest will remain a mystery. Everything in its perfect time and place. Much love to all here.