The Nine Steps of the Formula of Compassion
by Jelaila Starr
Step One: Lesson
What is the lesson I wanted to learn regarding this person and the conflict we are experiencing?
Ask your Higher Self/Soul, angels or spirit guides to help you. Ask them to show you the lesson you wanted to learn. It will be on your life blueprint. Your life blueprint is your roadmap through your present lifetime. It contains all the lessons, contracts and major events for your present lifetime, along with the people involved.
Step Two: Contract
What is the contract I made with this person?
Ask to be shown the contract(s) you made to learn this lesson. If using the Formula to release one individual, ask for the contract that pertains to you and that person. There are usually many contracts with many people to learn the same lesson. Remember that no one agrees to make a contract with you unless they too, need to learn the same lesson. In some cases the other person in your contract is there to learn the flip side of the lesson.
Step Three: Role
What is the role this person is playing to act out his/her part of the contract?
Ask to see and understand the role you play and the role the other person is playing in the contract. Ask for assistance in understanding how the roles look as they are being played out.
Step Four: Aspect
What is the aspect of myself this person is reflecting back to me?
Once again ask for assistance in seeing and understanding the aspect of yourself that the other person is reflecting back to you. They are your mirror, reflecting an aspect of yourself through their behavior. I have always found this step to be the hardest to handle. It calls for brutal self-honesty, but it’s well worth the effort.
Step Five: Gift
What is the gift this person is giving me by playing their role?
Ask for help so you can see and understand the gift the other person is giving you by playing their role. The value I mentioned earlier is the value of the gift, and the gift is the lesson learned.
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Once you have completed the first five steps, you should be feeling a surge of compassion and gratitude for the other person involved in the conflict/contract. The final four steps are used to finish clearing and releasing the emotional negativity/garbage from the physical body, out the high heart chakra. When I think of the high heart chakra, I envision an invisible cone shaped device imbedded in my auric field. It attaches to my physical body just above my heart and below my collarbone. When I use the Formula it opens so the transmuted energy/compassion can move through it and out.
Step Six: Acceptance
Can I accept the role that this person has played, along with their actions, to help me learn this lesson?
Acceptance is one of the four elements of unconditional love. Acceptance is part of compassion and is unconditional love in action. This also includes acceptance of who the person is, without judgment. I find that when I am having a hard time with this step that I can clear it when I remember they are a soul in a body like me, and we are helping each other with a lesson.
Step Seven: Allowing
Can I allow myself to let go of my anger towards this person who played the role to help me learn the lesson?
Allowing is also one of the four elements of unconditional love. Allowing is part of compassion and is unconditional love in action. This includes allowing the person to be who they are and to follow their chosen path, regardless of how you feel about it. On another note: Allowing is easier to do when we let go of needing to control someone’s behavior or choices for their own good. We tend to control people out of fear that their actions will hurt them/and or us. If we understand that everything has a value, then we can begin to release our need to control because we understand that there will be a value in each and every outcome.
Step Eight: Release
Can I release this person from blame?
This one is easy when you understand that you are not a victim. On the contrary, you are an active participant in a contract and lesson that you helped set up. Taking responsibility for your part in the contract enables you to release the other person from blame for the role they played to help you learn the lesson you wanted to learn. You understand that just as you are not a victim, nor are they a villain. Releasing someone from blame is different than forgiving them. Forgiving someone is what we do when we feel they have sinned against us, as in being victimized. Release is the key element in the Formula. The release is created by your compassion for the other person.
Step Nine: Kindness
Now that I have released this person, can I be kind to him/her, and if so, how can I do it and when will I do it?
At this point you should be feeling the intensity of the release through the high heart. I find the degree of the feeling differs according to the emotional intensity of the issue.
