peniel always loved the nightsky... the mysterious moon would play hide & seek with her as the stars radiated beams of light throughout the depths of space...

and she craved love like nothing else... she so much wanted to be cuddled & stroked because she remembered that beautiful feeling from when her conscious memories began... but it seemed as she got older and her body began growing into that of a woman, she felt an unnatural resistance from those she loves, of affection... even mum... "it's my body... i don't wanr breasts... they feel weird & people don't want to hug me anymore because of them... or they hug me too long & tight because of them..."

and so she had to find love in other ways...
drinking... they hug me when we're drinking
talking... they seem to talk so i will listen & give them love
giving... people love being given to!
a lover... if we hug we stroke we kiss... we join in love
security... if they never leave me i am safe
possessions... if we share things we are connected
helping... i'll help them to learn THEIR lessons

she looked for love everywhere... but time after time she thought she'd found love but only discovered pain &/or emptiness... "but i love you... it shouldn't feel like this... why does it feel so bad in my stomach my heart?" after 38 years of searching she started to look in a different place for the answer... she would write & write deep into the night... she knew the answer was somewhere deep inside her... so she got better & better at giving love until there was no more to give... no more words... no more money... no more energy... nothing

she began to look into the nightsky again... she always felt love & energy there... the brilliance of the full moon... the elation & intstant wishes on each shooting star... the sillhouette of trees... the constellations of stars & their journey across the nightsky... silence barely broken as an owl swoops by... finally she was feeling love in its purest form...

but for some strange reason she still had that uncomfortable feeling in her stomach around some of those she loved so dearly... until one day the truest of deepest love left her life... beautiful angel mindy cat... so briefly in her life yet every moment shared was pure love joy togetherness & truly nurturing... out of the blue peniel's mother, whom she had not connected with in over a year because she did not think her mum truly loved her, was rushed to hospital and diagnosed with cancer that offered a prognosis of imminent death...

"holy fuck what should i do? everybody is dying!"

peniel chose love... she chose to love her mum and accept her mum's love however she could give it... and she has found that her mum really truly loves her unconditionally...

and she found some friends... who absolutely love her unconditionally...

and then she started to look in the mirror... and loved what she saw!
beauty
passion
mystical
powerful
and since she loved what she saw, she decided to be all that she is...
the struggle is over dawn is breaking over peniel
i am now walking in the light and there is no better place to be
my love mirrors love
and love is the only thing i've ever known that has me feeling good inside...
so i don't think i'll bother stop being me

i am peniel
archangel of salvation

there is nothing i cannot do or be... because the more i learn from my life... the more i realise that the universe's possibilities are limitless... i can create anything i set my mind to... though i cannot change another's consciousness... it is the journey of that soul to discover love only through the self...

and so i thank my self & all within the universe for this awesome journey as i truly begin to know what self love and unconditional love is and that's all i have to say...

it's now time to bathe in the night sky...

with love and in love o peniel xxxxxxxxxxxxxxoooooooxoxoooxoxoxooxoxo