I write this cause this a lesson of True unconditional LOVE!
in this teaching I have come to learn many asspects of what love is really about. Love has no boundaries, love wears a mask with some it is the raccoon that teaches this. to wear a mask for one particular soul group for its teachings and will change the mask on a dime when its misunderstood.this mask can appear to bekind, thoughtful and loving and the one who wears it believes that they are very much doing what is right! (which for the human they are) Beacause the soul only knows what he or she has learned thus far, love wears a mask of lust and jelousy hidden behind the neediness of lack inside ones being... that lack tends to force us into choices made, to tempararily relieve Pain,guilt, lonelyness. the void in ones being can humanly hurt! the strong soul will fight themselves, to push past this, to care about someone other than themselves enough to understand, to comunicate this. We are creatures of habit and to evolve one much just let it be ! People act out dramas to strech the boundaries to rise out of the ashes again, Drama has been designed to put a mirror up to obsever and to look at!! what do we look at? is it what we choose to say ?, Was it how we acted or reacted by someone elses choice of words?, are we feeling guilt of the after effects of how we treated someone? did we say things to cut someone else down,to put it off on the other pary so we can "feel" better about ourselves?YES to all !! thats just it it is all an illusion !! we must state truth and hope that another can grow from the knowledge being given..

These are all lessons in what love teaches!! and more! This year I have been put threw a test
for grand proportions! My daughter died last year and due to what her and I both agreed to be for people there have been MANY LESSONS over this year !First I must explain alittle of who my daughter was. She was loved and hated by many, there were between 400 to 500 at her funeral. Every walk of life you can imagine was there, Old, young, black ,hispanic, the masons, Jobes daughters, Drag Queens, gay youth and old, Christians, Pagans,and the spritually minded. WOW what an experience!! I was very proud being her mother !! She became all of that in her short 18yrs. She fire danced, performed ,played the drums (both kinds),Flew an air plane (at space camp), was in two TV commercials, went to acting classes gifted to her by the producer that did the commercials, was on TV many times advocating for others that needed help, spoke out against the un just !and she was Miss Jr. GAY PRIDE of Portland ,Oregon 2007,All In ALL she was a "GIFT".

After she died many things played out with other peoples drams.People began to act out Fear (it had many masks) I was included in that fear cause after all I'm human, (the human Missed her daughter SO MUCH). I myself dove into the kids trying to get close to her life.. relying on them to lift me up,thinking I was helping them LOL. Soon after her death I lost my job, the summer came and went, the fall came and I was aboutto lose my apt. and threw all of this my 7 yr. relationship was crumbling. It was all on my shoulders! Having all this happen I was still trying to give my time to thos and in the back of my mind iI guess I figured others would be ther to lift me up and be a support....(boy was I wrong). Januray rolled around and my partner and I separtated space, I was left to pack up this apt. alone . I still was having to be a mother to my 3yr. old son. I found myself( the human aspect) Snapping couldn't control my emotions ,couldn't be a mother emotionally, and wanted to end my life IT WAS ALL TOO MUCH at once for a human being to handle!! I began to reach out asking for help cause I was in such Darkess of thoughts! No one understood I was told by the ones that I had given aide to prior to just deal with it and pull myself together ! ( what? I thought how dare the people I helped cast me out)I was a wrek !! I got ill very weak in my body and how was I going to do all this? One beautiful girl that loved my daughter came to my aide and took my son so I could be alone to get this accomplished. My niegbor came to help physically help and out of the blue 2 others helped me .I was dealing with soo much emotion saying goodbye to the apt. where my daughter said " I LOVE YOU MOMMY", for the last time when I got in the shower with her to give her her last one .( skin to skin back to her being a baby it was BEAUTIFUL) I got it done and moved my things to my mothers where she is and slowly dying herself AAAAHHHHH ( too much). Poeple began to Judge me right and left and started sayings horrible things that I was evil and that I was nothing!! That my daughter hated me and I was nothing of her beauty,(again more emotions to deal with )self persicuteing my choices (in my head were they right? ) Its amazing what we do to ourselves in our head emotionally!!! Knowing in my heart that this was all them dumping it on me .. I Kept looking up to ask the why was all this happening ? why had her death brought so much pain and chaos?,WHY? .. I forced myself into books about connacting with ones that have crossed over, connecting with spiritguides.I began to feel lighter again and in reading the book Pleadian Agenda I found more answers! The 3D verses 4th and 5th demenions of reality. March came and my sons father left for alaska to heal.. When he arrived he was to dive into himself so he could be a better parent to our son in providing foe him, and to break his cycle of using women to provide for him (pattern since he was 17 now he is 35). Fith dat there and he shaked up and didn't call his son for a month, dealing with my emotions of that I was again beside myself.. Watching my son cry cause he missed his sissy,his dad his cat, and his own place .(too young for a little human). I began to see a darkness come over him and bitterness twards life! Still reading books I tried to get myself out of it again ..AAARRRR... April was coming soon and it would flood my mind again with the Pain of the loss of my daughter. April is a powerful month for me. Remembering all that played out last year with Dr.s,Hospitals, Tests,her moving in , the decline of her in front of me, Jaydens birthday( 4-23-2008) , Yes in the mix of soo much death his celabration of life was in the middle., the day after(4-24-08) his birthday was her candle light vigil,and 2 days after that she died(4-26-08) , and 3 days after that on the 29th is the date my daughter woke up my consciousness in 1998. and May 1st is her funeral.
Today is the day after her passing and it is a day of Breath.... Yesterday I was in such a beatiful state of being!! I cried a little ,laugh, then cried some more,LOL. But in my "day of loss" I was in such a powerful centered place ,it was so nice! all of the ones that fell away from me that were there at the end of her life with me were struggling Sooo much yesterday, could feel their pain the fact she was gone.. and the ones that cared for me called nd wanted to make sure I was alright , and when I talked with them I was the one once again lifting them up with my joy of being! I could feel them saying to themselves "how can she possibly be happy". If the ones that hurt me and stated opinions about my character had called I would've still been there but without attachment to they were in my life at that point. I began to feel this gratitude for what they all taught me with all their anger twards me. Felt sad (for the human of them),How BEAUTIFUL to be able to embrace this teaching of LOVE and tollerenc for someone elses journey of evlovement !I really realize now that I AM a unique individual with STRENGTH beyond the human comprehension and my truth of what I KNOW is real ! I KNOW WHAT I KNOW WITHOUT WHY I KNOW IT ! I AM THE I AM THAT WHICH I AM!!:) I love myself and will continue to give to the broken hearted and share my story of Brittany and I which teaches many asspcts of TRUE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE! I will just remember that so people need to fall and others will take heed and listen and choose to change their beliefs cause it is right for them. I will continue to pray for Jaydens father for him to embrace the light he is ! I will not ever give up on him when he has for himself! It is my duty and contract that we long ago made, for us to grow and evolve as Beings of Light so may our son can see that it is possible to Love without the physical and still very much be in love deeply as people that walk this earth!!!
Blessings to you all who have taken the time to read this journey of Hope,andUnconditional Love, may it bring you comfort that it's okay to be human and there is always a way out if you listen deep enough to the inner voice that speaks threw you !For that is the inner child that always has hope for you when all others appear to take it from you .
MUCH BLESSINGS OF LOVE AND LIGHT TO YOU ALL IT HAS BEEN MY HONOR,MY PRIVILAGE TO BE PART OF YOUR JOURNEY OF HEALING ALL THAT IS WOUNDED
BRIGID "THE ORACLE OF PROFOUND
KNOWLEDGE"